mute - warnings for language and stuff

So, she's around, otherwise duh, how would I log in, I got her info, but I am in front and this is the only other place where peole know what the f- might be happening. Is it ok to swear if I bleep it or whatever? One of the little kids came at the end of therapy and then went. And then our main or whatever came back and couldn't talk. She knew someone else was making us unsafe and she's not muc better lately anyway, she says I'm not supposed to say how without a warning, but she got stuck bc she doesn't want to tell her therapist she's in trouble but has rules against lying or misleading.

Anyway, maybe that's why she went mute. I mean don't worry or whatever, because wwe're home and the guy knows where things stand and eveyrhting. But they got really bad again and I am the only other one who drives, well S kind of knows how but she got in wrecks before, plus she wants to what? I can't say that either...jeez...

Warning for bad stuff or wahatever

S wants to die all the time, so we'd be r-...so much damn sensoring, idiotic fine, whatever, to let her ever drive again.

I got them home safe and followed all the rules bc she was thinking if we got pulled over and couldn't talk that's like instant nuthouse, right?

Anyway, I'm still here and she is around like I said, but I'm kind of stuck. I'm hoping if we go to sleep it will get fixed.

But is it normal to go all mute and stuff? It's f-ing ridiculous. I had to write her husband a note so he didn't try anything with me, at least he was ok with it, i thought he was going to be pissed off.

I don't think we lost our voice or anything, but it's like we can't even try or something? Like we don't know what to do to make it start again. Maybe someone here knows something about it.

Sorry if this is weird I've only ever talked to one of you maybe they'll answer me, I'm trying not to be an @$$hole or anything, I haven't talked to anyone in months at all, I've been just watching if I'm needed, and trying not to get in the way as much because captain obvious - that's her therapist - asked if he could work with S without me being mean to her anymore. if you need to fix my bad language or something ok.

-Robby (is it ok to put my name? She might get mad tomorrow)

PS - sorry about the writing, I'm not as good on her phone and i'm not used to doing it.

sometimes people, littles especially, experience periods of being mute, or not wanting to talk so much that they make themselves not talk at all, or selective mutism even, after/during things that are stressful, triggers, therapy, flashbacks, stuff like that. and sometimes littles with selective mutism or that don't want to talk can affect anyone else that's out in control. (sometimes alters in general, no matter what age, that have selective mutism or that don't want to talk can affect anyone else that's out in control). it's also possible to experience periods of "losing abilities" like talking when things are going on inside, maybe being processed, maybe alters/parts are busy with something, maybe someone's scared or super shy inside and it's affecting those out in control, stuff like that.


usually sleep, grounding techniques, and calming techniques can help. also, not being too hard on yourself. if you don't feel like talking or can't seem to do it easily, don't force it, don't feel bad, and try to "go with the flow" for a bit. sometimes things just need to "run their course" and have some time.


i dunno if that helped at all, but i hope things get better for you soon and make more sense soon. (and nice to see you posting by the way! it's nice to meet you).


- cassie (age ?)

Good for you, Robby. Please let everyone in the system know that being able to speak is not a requirement for driving a car or interacting with an officer. And people don't get put into mental hospitals for being mute.

I have episodes of being unable to speak. I cannot even think the words. That happens when too many parts are trying to communicate at once, or when one or more parts is shutting us up, blocking other parts from communicating. None of this is unusual in people with DID.

Una+ wrote:I have episodes of being unable to speak. I cannot even think the words. That happens when too many parts are trying to communicate at once, or when one or more parts is shutting us up, blocking other parts from communicating. None of this is unusual in people with DID.

This.
I am so glad I read this thread. Pardon I have nothing to contribute.

Tho the Main, maybe she can be helped to feeling safe so she can say the things that clogged her up? Some technique, I don't know... The others in the forum know so much. I am very, very new to this (despite 25 years of living with it). I just think the silence could be broken in a safe way and all could benefit.

Best of luck to you with this, yakusoku.

Hi, Tomboy, Una, PinkiePie, thanks.

I'm back in front this morning. Feels kind of weird R posted here, because he's not much on talking to other people usually, doesn't see a need.

With some effort, I was able to talk this morning, but our voice sounds like a little's, so that is still weird. It might be because we just woke up and we tend to be more blended in our sleep (a lot of our dreams are like being at least two parts at the same time, though not always the same ones). I had to speak, because my daughter came in to get me up and I knew it would upset her if I kept not answering.

I'm pretty sure it is another part who doesn't feel like talking who was (maybe not purposefully, just couldn't bring herself to do it) influencing me not to speak. It wasn't excessively noisy, except as R mentioned, S's destructive stuff, and she's not the one who went mute, I don't think, well, not if it's the same voice we have now. It's almost more than not wanting to talk, it's like not even wanting to open her mouth that I'm feeling, like a deep hopelessness about it, like it doesn't even matter, nothing will fix things. Maybe that's a new part or one I didn't know felt that way? Sara gets triggered by hopelessness, so perhaps it's behind the destabilization we're experiencing, too.

We've been in and out of crisis for a couple of days for a reason I'm not quite clear on, as we haven't had one this bad in a while. S always struggles with this stuff, but I'm "complicit" now, I guess, for some reason. Trying to take good care of everyone. I really appreciate all of your replies.

-- Thu Mar 14, 2013 6:49 am --

My own PS of sorts...

Any time I am this revealing about us, how we work or our very personal experiences, someone gets terrified we won't be believed (incredible amounts of invalidation in our history). A part used to protect that one by invalidating from the inside, so no one would want to share, but I integrated him a year ago. Since then, whenever that fear drifts up, I feel the same overwhelming pressure to convince myself it is a lie and express externally it might be. I know it probably isn't, but for the sake of feeling safe, it feels like I could be making this all up, and that's probably because someone inside here thinks you all here believe we're lying.

Hi, Yakusoku, Robby. I started reading your thread but Dan moved took over because Robby just talks more like him and they're similar in age so he could relate.

I'm not sure we can do anything here to convince any parts who fear they won't be believed, at least not very quickly. But I do happen to believe that at least 90% of everyone reading these threads believes the experiences we record. We've all had unusual things happen which defy immediate analysis or explanation. We know that trauma memories rarely come back in a form that feels like the most concrete memories you have of more neutral events. Mine are almost always fuzzy, incomplete, and feel more like a set of pieces of a memory than the whole thing.

Dan is very glad that Robby took over, took care of things, and posted what was going on. It was brave and the right thing to do. We've had problems with momentary freeze-ups or longer. A bunch of colleagues from work go out for drinks after our weekly meeting and I feel compelled to attend most of them, because there's a lot of bonding and exchange of info that happens. My alters don't get to participate and feel cheated of the time but we've weighed the value and the colleagues are sort of friends too, even if just for me, all of us can count them that way for our system. The other day, someone brought up a poet and suddenly mentioned he had pedophilic tendencies. We froze, got filled with fear, and I knew I couldn't talk. I was on the verge of just waving, smiling and taking off without verbal explanation because that was preferable to getting weird in front of them. I was able to patch it, but left within minutes. For us, it matched with waves of nausea we've been having for about a week which was leading to the arrival of yet another alter, Luke. You'll likely figure out more about what was up as you look and listen.

(i'm not mad or yelling or anything) i don't ever believe yakusoku is lying! not ever! there's never even a doubt!

- cassie (age ?)

Hi Yakusoku and Robby. First of all, I believe every word all of you write. I have so often read your posts and seen my own experiences written there so exactly it was stunning! I often feel like I'm lying or making things up or won't be believed, too, but reading that you experience the same things helps me to feel like it might be true, so maybe that will work in reverse too (does that make sense?!) I also often experience 'mute' phases. It's frustrating and strange. For me, it's usually a conflict between parts who want to say something and parts who don't, so it makes it impossible for me to speak at all. It usually resolves itself after a while. I hope things are better today.

No way, no lying! There is NOTHING that would indicate a lie. There's a lot of threads about confusion and denial on this forum, it is normal for us. When you don't believe yourself, remember that we have your back and believe for you while you doubt yourself.

Yakusoku and Robby, I want you to know that I believe you as well. I have the same concerns about not being believed from time to time and knowing how that feels, I had to post a reply. As a matter of fact, I think I'll say it again, I believe YOU. I believe you I believe you I believe you I believe you I believe you.

It is normal for anyone, DID or not, to question whether or not they are believed in whatever situation. It happens to DID constantly though, which isn't fun, nor is it fair for that matter. I am forever saying, "I didn't do that", or "I never said that", which is the truth, being it was an alter part who did unbeknownst to me. And, I always get the 'The Look' which tells me I'm not believed. Of course this bothers me because there's nothing I can do about it.

Being believed & being understood are so important. So, just in case you don't believe it... ... I'll say it again...I believe you.

Cheers