how do you stay out front?

I got to stay in the body and I'm going to fight to stay. How are we going to change things if host boy is out like most of the time. Tonight the twins decide to take us home on a bus. The little guys figured out a couple days ago that if you stand up on a bus and hang on to the door handle it's like you're on a ride at a fair. So they're having a good old time and Hansel wants Johann to have fun to so he switches, which isn't so easy for them no more but they did it. We're headed home and some of us want to go see people, like at a restaurant, not home. Johann is walking kind of sad and lonely.

But inside John says go home. So Johann gets more upset and says something sassy back like he never done before ever. He says like why can't we have some friends. Then he apologizes and feels more bad. Then he heads home but at one point he just stops. He's thinking and we hear "I'm walking" like I'm the one walking, and he just turns down a side street. Nobody can believe it, I can't. He's headed away and he actually keeps going. Nobody disobeys John. Well usually.

Johann takes us toward a restaurant except it's a bar. He gets nervous because it looks busy and the people are big and he's losing his courage. So I take over. I figure we have to start doing things against what John always does and this little guy was awful brave to let it flop. I go inside the bar but it's real busy, lots of people laughing and stuff and looks like no space. So I leave and go to another place like that. Same thing and a snotty waitress. Stupid me, it's a Friday night. So I head to an old person's restaurant John always goes to and I'm sitting here now.

I'm really upset but I don't want to have John back. He's always around and I want to stay out or at least somebody else anybody else. But if I let a switch we might slip to John and then he's back. Sure he knows how to do stuff, how to act in a restaurant but I'm sick of it. I'd be cussing more but I'm going to have to post this after and there's rules. I want to cuss to the sky right now. We got to figure out how to be the rest of us and not John all the time. I'm sick of him and he's back there thinking, thinking, thinking about not wanting me to post that because we're fighting but all I got to say is it's about time. I'm not going to pretend anymore. I was acting because you guys killed me when I was a kid and I was being cool but maybe the jig is up now host boy. If you don't let me post this, you will be sorry. No I'm not going to hurt us dumb *ss but I got a vote too and I don't hear nobody saying hey Dan shut up and let John back. Nope not a peep.

Okay I walked home and I'm still fighting to stay here. And it's really hard. How do you keep in front when it's so slippery you always slide back into your host? No wonder he was messing with are signature today and kept trying to put angry or testy in front of my name. Bite me host boy. Crap he does not want me to post this.

Its hard for me to stay in control as host, but i just concentrate on not losing my mind to the switch, and i still keep some form of control.

I have to fight more than think right now. I keep grabbing the arms of the chair to keep him from taking over or I'm swearing at him. He just keeps fighting but why? Now I'm getting a headache and I'm pretty sure it's one of them DID headaches from a couple of us wrestling for who's out front. This is no fun so can you just cut it out and let me stay out for now John? Geez. Yeah maybe you are a jerk when you're inside like you said the other day, you're being one now. Sorry everybody to be yacking in public like a couple of babies. This is kind of dumb but oh well.

i get those headaches whenever my voices are trying to take over me.

Dan, if you're still around, sorry I missed talking to you last night. I was hoping we could.

I think John posted something recently about being very automatic when he's on the inside, more of a jerk, and not being able to help it. I know I'm like that with the "lying" stuff. The kids are always crying out to T, "I'm not lying!!! She keeps thinking we're telling lies!" And I don't mean to. I'm not saying it's good. I'm just saying it may be something he does automatically. But, you're right. You all have every right to be out and have time and do things you like, just like he does. And, when he's out, he's always talking about wanting to let that happen. But, he struggles to do it. It must be really frustrating. A lot of mine are too scared to come out beyond therapy and only do it if triggered, but when I keep them in during therapy or try to interrupt what they want to do or say, or make them feel awkward by hanging out right behind them fretting, it's experienced the same. I know I feel awful about it when that happens.

Anyway, I'm glad you had the time out, and hope you're getting some more today.

Unfortunately, hosts have issues with letting go of control, being inside for a long time, letting us fully out, sharing control even, they usually have issues with denial more than most of us, etc. Least Cassandra does. This is not something anyone can really help, nor is it anyone's fault. But it can be worked on.


Usually, the biggest issue with letting go of control is the unfamiliar. Most hosts, especially ones that have been host for a long time and have been the one mostly out for that time, aren't used to going inside, staying inside, not being up front, not being in control, etc. So when they finally aren't in control, it feels strange to them, and can even feel very uncomfortable. It can cause worry and anxiousness about what's going on, what's happening, who's out front, if things are under control, etc. It can also cause general uncomfortableness from simply not being used to being inside and not being in control of the body while they're still awake/aware of the body being up/active and such. There can also be trust issues, with the host being uncertain about letting certain alters front, or worried that if they let one alter front, another alter who's maybe not as trustworthy to be in control may be able to come out easier. And then there's the issue of the denial being/getting stronger when the host is inside (don't ask us how that one works, but it happens to Cassandra sometimes). It's kinda like, they don't like not being in control so much, that they start denying that anything's happening and that this is real and that they're inside an inner world and then that leads to the same old song of "I don't have DID" despite the proof being right in front of their face.


What can help is slow steps. If you can, try to do some co-hosting or work on co-consciousness first. Help John get used to sharing control first if you can, and then slowly help him to get used to the idea of not being in control at all.


With Cassandra, we worked on co-consciousness first, letting her get used to and adjust to "new" alters, and get used to being aware that we were there (some of us were there before, but it's different when they're consciously aware of it). Of course, we're not perfect, there are times where we just take/would take control and not give it back until we were ready to (but unless you can set up a good mental wall/block, which is hard in itself as it takes energy to keep up, sometimes it's not worth the fight/struggle). Anyway, after working on getting Cassandra used to being aware of co-consciousness, we started working on co-hosting together, and let her get used to and adjust to how that felt and what it was like. The more we co-hosted, and the more she got to see that no, we're not just going to "run wild" when we're out, the more trust was built, and the better Cassandra felt about letting go. Eventually one day she was tired and went and laid down/stayed in Rain's room inside, on her own accord and by her own decision! She was still kinda uncomfortable and anxious, but at that point in time she said she was too tired to really care. We helped her work on calming/relaxation techniques to help her learn how to relax and let go more after that, and finally, things have started to get much better. We even made a room for her inside of her own, and we let her pick out what she wanted in it and then set it up for her (we're better with creating inside stuff than she is). And having her own room helped even more, because now she feels less anxious when she is inside since she has a place of her own that she can be comfortable in, that is set up the way she wants, and can be a type of "home away from home" for her.


If we had anything else to say, we just lost it. We hope that some of that was somehow helpful in some way. This thread may also be of interest to you and John:

-- How to gain control?: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic101946.html



- Mixture

Thanks, TheManyFacesOfMe, Yakusoku and Mixture. He gave me a idea to thank people cause I don't think of that first thing. I get so sick of watching him doing basically nothing interesting. I want to get out and run around and stuff. Trouble is I'm not exactly sure what there is to do. Jonathan has got upset by that too. A while back he stayed in front too but after a while of doing basically what John would do or was suggesting he do, he got real depressed at not having his own life and tried to hurt himself which ain't Jonathan at all.

We did some talking or thinking back and forth this morning, as good as we can without having a out loud talk, and figure we been letting the kids out mostly. Not some of us older guys. And we all do that cause we love them and want them to not be so sad and hurt and we want them to have fun like a kid ought to. Play games and watch cartoons and such. So all are free time that John isn't hogging is for them mostly. I don't fight it, I'm good to the kids except when they let them do stuff a little kid ought not to do. Like Adam pops out and he is kind of walking but don't have no idea where he's going and he starts to cross a street. Other guys are watching but I think it's crazy to let him so I take over. Jack almost got hit by a car once from not paying attention and he's a lot older. Kids ought to walk in a park but not on a big street at night.

Last night I stayed out a long time and then I didn't know what to do with myself it was late, so I went to bed to keep John from winning. I was bound determined to stay in front falling asleep and even after I woke up in the night sometime it was still me so I felt proud of myself. Then John woke up in the morning and we did his regular junk. But I got him to agree to me being out today. I'm going to get us some healthy frozen dinners and watch what everybody eats so we can lose the blubber. It makes me sick and it slows me down, I can't even run without John's crying that we'll drop dead or something.

I don't know if John can cohost with anybody. We got stuck together before, not me and him but some of us but that was a accident not cohosting. I don't want to be so next to him for some good reasons. He kind of gives me the creeps. Maybe some others think it too. That's a bad thing to say and in public but it's how I feel and I got a right. Anyway thanks for listening. I don't write so good like him and all that but I'm here too. This is some good talking though, thanks everybody. Maybe somebody learned something like a host or maybe John here. I don't care if they are used to your fancy talk Mr. college words I'm sick of all that. Give me a break.

All that stuff you guys said about how hosts get is true so thanks because I can hear it from somebody else. Sometimes I don't trust so much if he's saying it because he says it being the king not a slave. We don't know why he fought so hard to take over from me, he don't understand it and I believe him maybe. It's pretty hard for him to tell a big whopper and me not have a clue.

It seems to us that there needs to be more equal sharing. We all love the littles and love to give them the childhood they never had and such, but we deserve time out too. Also seems like you might need to maybe make a list of ideas for things to do or something. We know that when we're inside for a long time, we forget what we can do, what we'd want to do, and we usually end up just watching movies, being just as boring as Cassandra was being.


Glad that it was agreed that you could be out today, Dan. We like you. (We like John too. We've liked everyone that we've heard from/that's posted here).

You got the blubber, I got skin an' bones to work with. Know your pain, man. I keep tryin' to get these guys to just eat in general, tryin' to get 'em to work out and sh*t too, but ain't nothing happenin' so far. Wish they'd let me do it when I'm out, but for some reason, can't seem to. Or I'm not out alone, or I'm not out long enough to do anything like work out. Hate that the girl twins have had so much influence for so long. Not eatin' and wastin' away the muscles we had. I had this body in f*#king tip top shape, man! It wasn't as good as I wanted it, but for a girls' body, and for this body, it was about as good as it was gonna get. Used t' be 130 lbs. of nearly nothin' but muscle, lean 'n' mean. Now we're like f*#king 120 lbs. of skin 'n' bones. F*#king sucks. Hopefully one day I'll finally either be able to work out on my own or I'll get these guys to do it. (And y'all better start eating! Sick of this unhealthy bullsh*t. Y'all are gonna make the body anorexic if you don't stop).

-Dallas


Thanks for popping in, Dallas.

Anyway... it's good that you're going to try to help get you guys eating healthier and such. Perhaps you could make a deal with John to where you help with that type of stuff regularly? Even if it's stuff like reminders, encouragement, meal ideas, setting up an exercise plan, etc?


It might be good to explore why John gives you the creeps. We can understand wanting space to yourself sometimes, but why does John give you the creeps? Because once you know why you feel that way about him, you can go about addressing that issue and thinking up ways/ideas to work through it.


Sometimes when a king is so used to being a king, especially if that's all he's known so far for the most part, there can be subconscious and reflexive reactions to being forced down to a commoner's level. After all, if one is used to wearing a crown, and only knows the crown, if that crown is taken from them, they will be left feeling lost, confused, in unfamiliar territory, and they will yearn for the comfortable-ness of having their crown back as soon as possible. Imagine being in control for a host akin to someone having a safety object that helps them to feel calmer and safe. If that safety object is taken away, they are going to respond out of reflex, and reach/fight to get it back as soon as possible. Some calming/relaxation techniques may help John feel better about sharing his crown.


- Mixture