cyclothymia support; empathetic ears

Hi,

This is my first post on this site and just want to talk to people also suffering with cyclothymia or any mood disorder. I've just been diagnosed with cyclothymia after years of turmoil, I am 21 years old and have been suffering for about 7 years now. After many other disorders being thrown around, including depression, major depressive disorder, BPD and Bipolar disorder; as a diagnosis they have settled on cyclothymia. I believe that this is because I have ever only reached hypo-mania and never a full manic state (fingers crossed)

I am happy to finally receive a diagnosis and get the help I need, but hearing about this disorder, by doing my own research into it online, has greatly upset me. The term used mostly is 'mild' and i read somewhere that cyclothymia is just a moody personality! This aggravated me because 1. Cyclothymia has been absolutely destructive in my life and also for those around me, especially hospitalisation (which to me does not come under a 'mild' category 2. I am usually a bubbly, happy person when in a normal state. Does anyone else agree that the 'mild' stigma placed on this disorder is totally false?

I'd also like to hear from people who have lived successful lives with this disorder as personally I really struggle with holding down jobs, relationships and education.

Also i wasn't sure if this was a European site or from the USA, but i reside in the UK.

Thank you!

Hi kimble,

I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner. Nobody had posted in this forum for a few weeks. So the last several days I busied myself with other projects and didn't make looking here a priority. Darn. I should have kept it a priority. Well, I'll tell you what I can to help you.

Mild, obviously, is a relative term. It means different things to different people. Same with serious. Try not to get too hung up on how mild is mild. Your condition may be mild compared to someone else's and more serious than the next person's. The most important thing for you to do is to learn how to gauge the intensity of symptoms in a way that's meaningful to you. That way, as you're going through cycles, you'll be more aware of the changes coming on. And then you can do better when you try to put hasty decision making or negative thinking in check.

Many people have one diagnosis, then another, and maybe another as they figure out what's wrong. Psychiatric and psychological issues are complicated. Some symptoms show up in more than one condition. Just like you could get a fever with influenza, the mumps, or meningitis. Without regard to what your diagnosis is, the thing to focus on more is how you handle the symptoms.

I'm about 20 years older than you and I think my cyclothymia started about when I was 15. Unexplainable sadness that lasted a few days or a couple weeks never measured up to depression. Other times, I could function on little sleep, work harder than most of the people around me, and I felt like I was on top of the world even if rationally I knew better. I had no idea staying up three or four hours after I should have gone to bed because I wanted to keep reading or writing or doing something else was part of a bipolar like disorder.

I actually developed some coping mechanisms before I knew anything was wrong. I forced myself to wait ten days before buying anything I hadn't budgeted for when I suddenly got an itch to buy something. Very often, I didn't feel like buying it anymore. Nowhere near as often do I feel like I've made foolish purchases now. At work, I've irritated some people who just couldn't take my zest. Somebody would leave the room for coffee and feel alienated upon returning because I had already dove into the next task they thought I'd wait for them on. During the low times though, I had to push myself to get the work done.

I don't have it as severe as you. So I don't think I can help you as much with some things. I haven't had trouble holding a job. I've had sort of the opposite problem. Whenever I feel like I want to move on to something else, I doubt myself because I might regret it. I'm fairly well known having a highly visible job with a respected company in my area and I want to stay anonymous in these forums, so I won't say too much about what I do or where. I feel successful. Except on some of those down days when the negative thoughts creep in. But mostly, I've learned to use the depression days to get perspective on what I think is wrong and what I can do about it.

Welcome to the forums. I think this is a UK based web site but users are from all over the world.

Hi there

Thanks for replying. It's interesting to see how this condition effects different people and it's nice to hear that you've done well with it. Do you never reach depression then?

I'm finding this forum really helpful. I'm struggling at the minute as I've recently left a college course and not working at the minute as I have a broken finger (such a pain!!) so what I usually have in place to keep my mind focused i can't do.

Just sometimes think this condition isn't taken seriously but then again I'm still trying to understand it myself as it is only recently.

My coping mechanism is the Xbox, which is a good thing as i can beat my friends on call of duty

No, not depression as you'll find it in major depressive disorder or bipolar. That's part of why it took me so long to figure out what was wrong. I would have sadness and worthless feelings and a lack of enjoyment. But not so much that I couldn't get out of bed, eat, work, etc. When I read about people with those kind of depression symptoms, I just told myself I need to quit being stupid about whatever got me down. And the other side of it, I had no idea my high energy levels and wildly creative thoughts were part of a mood disorder. Who would? The conversation would go, "Hey, Doc, I'm working harder than everybody else at the office, I'm happy all the time, I'm starting all kinds of new projects. What's wrong with me?" Now, some people during hypomania get into fights, orgies, and all manner of trouble.

You should be able to search my old posts from two or so years ago to get more of my story. The gist of it is I somehow came across the word cyclothymia and felt like I was reading about myself. Sometimes, I think it might be something else because it's not a textbook case. But few people have textbook cases of whatever mood disorder they have. And nothing else I know of explains my experiences better.

Does cyclothymia vary between people in severity then?
How long have you known you've got cyclothymia?

I get times where I struggle to cope with daily tasks, at the moment I'm in one of these moods, annoying people because I'm hibernating. I describe my moods like a TV. When I'm in a low it's like black and white, everything seems grey, like all the colour has drained from the world, and sometimes fuzzy like when the TV has no signal (at my worst). At the other end it seems like everything is on high contrast and on fast forward, I wouldn't say x32 speed but probably x8/12.

Also are you on any medication?

Sorry about all the questions by the way I'm just curious. Never met anyone else with cyclothymia before

kimble wrote:Does cyclothymia vary between people in severity then?

It certainly does. Mine's mild, but enough to be a nuisance. It can also vary in the same person over the course of a lifetime. Something like a third of people with cyclothymia go on to have bipolar for a while. For others, it disappears.

kimble wrote:How long have you known you've got cyclothymia?

Two to three years. I kept thinking something was wrong for about two decades. But all I knew about what the unexplained sadness being a problem. And it didn't measure up to severe depression. Then somehow I came across the word cyclothymia.

kimble wrote:Also are you on any medication?

I was for a year. I stabilized on Paxil. And that doesn't make any sense. It's an anti-depressant, not a stabilizer. So I have a valid reason to doubt it's cyclothymia. It's a fitting explanation for so many other things though. I stopped the Paxil because I became concerned about memory problems.

Ah, i haven't heard of paxil. Not sure about anti depressants, they gave me that first when i was 16/17 and it triggered off an episode so bad that i had to be hospitalized and put on a temporary section.

I'm on seroquel xl at the moment, don't seem to do much yet except make me sleep for a whole day.

I hope never to have a manic episode, they don't sound very pleasant by the sounds of it. Just hate the depression!

It must have been hard to go for a decade without knowing what was wrong.

Tbf, if i didn't have a CPN i don't think I'd be able to cope. They're brilliant! I don't knbw if you live in the UK but have you ever heard of the crisis teams? In my area they are absolutely awful. They're patronising and hinder the crisis more, rather than helping to resolve it.

What do you use for coping mechanisms/strategies?

I'm in the US. I've heard of crisis teams from others in these forums, most notably, one person in the UK. I didn't know she was referring to something specific to her country. It makes sense that someone prone to the more extreme troubles that come with mood illnesses would have a support team.

I try to spend time regularly in introspection, observing my behavior and attitudes, more or less. Self awareness can help a lot. It can be aggravating too. Like the time I felt a sad state coming on as soon as someone said something about a defect in the carpet installed in some office. Why in the hell would I be depressed about that? That was before I ever knew about cyclothymia and I wasn't sure if anything was really wrong with me or if I just needed to get the hell over it. Of course, I had no reason to be depressed about it. It doesn't make sense. That's why it's called a disorder.

Ah i see, i do that too. Like I know when a low is coming on as it gradually gets worse. At the minute I don't know what's going on because my mood seems to change on a daily basis at the moment.

I understand what you're saying about things that shouldn't upset you but do. Like I'll be eating or something, and drop my food or get it on myself and it will make me upset! It's crazy.

What's the mental health services like in the US?

I went to the doctors yesterday and I'm not even sure the doctor knows if it's cyclothymia. He said to me that people with cyclothymia tend to have long periods of stability, where as I've never had a stable period for longer than 3/4 months. He said to me that if it is cyclothymia I'm at the sharp end of it (hoo-rah! not.) Just struggling at the minute with my moods, having the odd thoughts and just exhausted. It's nice to speak to people who understand on here.