cyclothymia support; empathetic ears

Hi all!

this is a new thread that began on "Whatʻs Your Story." Newcomers beebop, coastermum, lola and myself began a conversation there... a support group to share, listen, and connect. Itʻs such a relief to keep company with others living with a disorder that can be so isolating (nobody around you can understand what youʻre going through).. you feel like youʻre all alone with this mood disorder, and itʻs a huge source of encouragement just to know that others share your plight. so weʻll continue to encourage one another here...weʻre listening! and if youʻre new to this thread, introduce yourself, share your story on both threads if you like, and join in!! weʻd love to hear from you...

Hello Everyone,
First and foremost, Thank you, thank you, thank you, for putting your "world" out there, for the rest of us to read I don't have much time at this very moment to write my "novel"...lol.. but I'm just thrilled to have found this. I'm a wife of 21yrs to a "moody", and a mom of a 20yr old daughter, who is also a "moody". Both are on medication. The word "moody" was established in our family by younger daughter (a non-moody)...because it doesn't sound "sick", 'crazy", or "there is something horribly wrong with you"...and it keeps my "moodys" to keep tab on themselves, so it wont get out of hand...(well, of course, sometimes it does...) I'm looking forward to share my info, on what it is like from the "outside" looking in..Like i said, my husband and I have been married for over 20 yrs. and yes, it can be done, and also as parents, and since 3 months ago, grandparents. (Which makes this a whole different ballgame, btw..) So until then,
"There is Hope"

momwifeofhope, THANK YOU! I think you're the first parent of someone dx'd with cyclothymia that I've found! I mean, obviously all the folks on here have had parents. And it's been good to see the stories here, it helps. But.... as a parent I've felt pretty doggone alone for years! I know you said you didn't have time to share your novel... But... how old was your daughter when she was diagnosed? when did she start on meds? how did she accept the dx/meds? I'd love to hear whatever you'd like to share!

Hi coastermom and momwifeofhope,

I can't tell you anything from the perspective of a parent of someone with cyclothymia. But who knows, maybe someday one of my kids will have it too and I'll know that perspective. I hope you both find the support you need here or at least can give it to each other.

Welcome momwifeofhope!
Your brief intro was precious! looking forward to reading more when you have a chance... with you and coastermom connecting, itʻs GREAT to have someone who REALLY knows what YOUʻRE going through.... it sincerely takes patience and compassion beyond the normal human threshold, yeah? My hubby needs his own support group, too! so glad youʻre both here... what an invaluable voice for us! How badly we need to hear from the ones we affect most, the ones who love us unconditionally through "mental sickness" and in health!! Hope you find the answers and support youʻre searching for here.

Hi coastermom First, consider yourself hugged!! because I know how you feel.
My husband and I own a small business, so sometimes it's hard to find time to write
Anywho, have a some time to write, so here goes my "ranting"
Today I'm so frustrated btw.., I think I need to scream, and punch into a pillow in my closet!! Both my "moody's" are swinging today. Arrgh! Ok, breathe...ok, feel better... It will pass, it will pass..

My daughter got dx right before her 18th birthday, and started on Lamictal. She tried meds for the depression, but she stopped , and is only on Lamictal. She is a super intelligent, funny, social, opinionated, independent smart cookie, until her brain gets in her way. She was hell on wheels from the early teens and on. She did ALL the classic swinging, and put me into a total -"been-in-the spinning cycle- of the washingmachine-and- got spit out- rollercoaster!! she wrecked havoc on every emotional, financial, physical level you can imagine. when she was swinging, the whole family was swinging, which put my husband in swing all on his own! But as a parents, it's the most painful place to be. It was different feelings, than dealing with my husbands disorder. So did I feel double whammo'd?? You betcha! You are constantly on the edge, walking on eggshells, your mom-"antennas" are bigger than a satellite in orbit! You become a research fanatic, learning everything possible about their condition, it is different than her dad's. You have books, articles, websites coming out of the ying-yang!
I have learned from years of living with a husband with dx, that communication, honesty, and trust will somewhat put things back in "less swinging"...over time. Which is easier said than done..I know..Throw some HUMOR in the mix if you can... that helps too..And it makes disorders a little less frightening...It takes some of the "stigma" out I feel...
It took a lot to do "normal" with her sister, other familymembers, neighbors (been in the same house over 20 yrs.)etc etc. I did tell people about her dx, to people who were closest to us. She got very upset with me, but the people I told, I knew would understand, and when she would swing, they supported her, asked me questions how this works, instead of "writing her off" as a nutcase.. and I think my daughter today, feels it's ok, she doesn't have to put on a "normal" face, when she is sick, and she is around some of these people. It's ok to be "her"..and not be judged...
Then there are people I don't even bother with. Those people will never take the time to understand, ask questions, and will trigger my daughter into major swings, that she won't need. And I simply don't care anymore what people think, or say....when you have walked a mile in my shoes...? then we'll talk And I'm trying really hard to try to teach/show her that some people is not ready for her..and maybe never will...and let it go.
Slowly, yet soo slowly, my husband/her dad, is starting to realize, he is sitting with so much knowledge regards just having a dx, taking meds, and that they are working, that when she is ready, they can maybe lean a little more on each other...I know, two "moody's" = the atomic bomb...I know...both still has a way to go..she is still "hurt" from dad's previous behavior, and in a way, is seeking his approval for her decisions in life, good, bad, ugly, and the full faceplants...
Me myself, am a non-drama mama, calm as a cucumber, logical, practical, matter-of-fact, rational kind of personality. Yeah! I know!! LOL... I don't have any disorders, but had myself checked in the past, so I didn't "adopt" any behaviors...lol..
When it comes to our daughter's episodes, she did get pregnant, during a drinking mania, hate my meds/not taking them- episode.. and she did decide to keep the baby. She is living out of state with the baby's father, who she has not been really honest with, and telling the WHOLE diagnosis...yeah.., and nobody in his family knows anything either..I do talk to her several times a day, texting, or skyping. I did go see her before, during labor and stayed with her for 3 weeks. Pregnancy and diagnosis and meds?...Now that's a rollercoaster my friend...She is still coming "home" every 2 months or so..yes, I pay for planetickets, and of course to see her psych dr, (whom she absolutely trusts btw..)since she has not managed to "find" one new...
She is actually a really great mom. She does take care of her son better than she does herself..And she is taking her meds. Got to go back to work, hang in there my friend. I swear there is hope.

Thanks so much, momwifeofhope.

It helps just knowing somebody out there gets it. She's definitely tending manic right now and made the sudden decision last night to contact the fiance she dumped at the beginning of the summer... a guy who is unstable, abusive, and just down right scary. All the stuff he pulled after the breakup, it just floors me that she's taking him back... but she's been with him since 10am this morning and I don't expect to see her until curfew (midnight) if not after... Like yours, mine will make a great mom. I'd just as soon she didn't have her life tied to this current guy, though. So scary....

Anyway.... thanks for taking the time to share -- I really appreciate it!

Hi All!
Just doing a "check in".. Have not been on for a bit, sometimes it's hard to keep it all together..
My 'moody" daughter has not been swinging much for about a week, and as much as I'm joyful regards it, I can't help but waiting for the "swing" that is around the corner...And I feel horrible for "waiting"...The word "relax" has slowly gone away from my vocabulary...lol.. I really have to remind myself to actually just relax and enjoy the "moody's" in my life, when they are doing well. Funny, how you become a "master with antennas" for their moods/behaviors, yet sometimes clueless to how you feel yourself...
As much as I want my daughter close, to obvious keep an eye/ear on things, I'm not gonna lie that not having her living at home anymore, gives me more breathing room... Is that bad? I feel awful and guilty about that. Then again, it was easier to see/hear the "swings" coming, some of them I averted, some she needed to go through, but I was there, helping and supporting.
Now, I have had to let some of that go, and let her do on her own...she knows her diagnosis, she knows she needs to take her meds, to recognize her triggers...etc etc.. I guess I'm just acting like a mom, but I'm a mom with a daughter who has cyclothymia and that changes the game a little.
Now, I guess I feel lucky, in that sense, ever since she got diagnosed, she has always let me know when she's not ok. And she will not argue with me anymore, if I'm hinting at a "swing" she is might be in, which is a HUGE change!! Anyways, time to go back to finish up this day.
I hope you all are doing well, if not, I promise there is hope.

Momwifeofhope,

No, I don't think it's bad to recognize your breathing room. My 18yo moved out unexpectedly this week. We came home from a rather enjoyable family vacation at 1am Tuesday and by 6am she was gone. We didn't figure it out until mid-morning. As much as I know this is NOT a good move for her -- she moved in with a very controlling, paranoid, abusive ex-boyfriend who has slipped stuff into her drink before, believes she should be off meds, and is just an all-around jerk... As much as I hate what she's doing... in some ways... it's a relief. I no longer have to try to talk her out of it, stay a step ahead of her. She's made her decision. Don't get me wrong... I still worry... I'm still waiting for her to hit bottom and come to her senses... I don't want this for her, I want so much more... and yet... there's a sense of breathing... not having to walk on eggshells... not worrying about what she's doing to her sisters... not waiting to see if she'll make curfew. So yeah, I get it. And a psychologist friend of mine assured me it's okay and normal.

I'm glad that that your daughter is recognizing her swings and knows to take her meds, watch her triggers, etc. That's a BIG step. One my daughter hasn't entirely made yet... which makes having her where I can't watch those meds a little more scary. but... she needs to hit bottom, so maybe that's just part of it. I wish she didn't have to learn things the hard way, but... she's appearing to insist on that. Seems rather proud of having to learn the hard way, actually. Sigh....

Anyway... I know the letting go isn't fun... but it sounds like your daughter isn't in too bad of a place for that step-back to happen... and no, it isn't bad, or even selfish to realize you enjoy that bit of breathing room.

Thanks for sharing... I love hearing your perspective... and the hope it gives.

I hope things are okay coastermom and momwifeofhope. You both may be interested in the book His Bright Light by Danielle Steel. She writes about the struggle to help her bipolar son. Someone else suggested he move out of the house and into another setting because she was having so much trouble handling him. I'd better warn you in case you'd find it too upsetting, he eventually succeeded in taking his own life. If you've been wondering about early signs that could have warned you about bipolar disorder, you'll probably feel a connection with the author because it comes up repeatedly in the book.