Definition of:Compulsive Lying

My boyfriend is a compulsive liar and he will try so hard to convince me that I am not seeing what he's doing or that I am nuts. My dad keeps telling me that I am not crazy, but that Bob is just a liar. He says that until I stop putting up with his lies, he will continue to lie and not give a crap.
My dad is right, I have to not allow him to play me any longer and he can go be a compulsive liar somewhere else. Believe me, there is no type of pill that will cure his problem. I think it has to do with childhood issues and his self esteem. He isn't crazy.
One last thought......... I am sure someone whom reads this will say this sounds familiar.... When he gets flat out caught doing something wrong to me, he never really is sorry, he just ends up blowing everything out of proportion. I think he does this so I will react in a negative way so he can throw my reactions at me when i try to confront him about what he has done. This never fixes what actually started the problem in the first place. He will literally fight with me until I don't even mention what started the fight anymore, then when he thinks it is "safe", and that I don't remember the actual problem, he'll come back down to "normal behavior". This method of dealing with things has had a terrible effect on our relationship. We are still fighting about the same problem we were 4 years ago.
Anyways, I have just moved him out of my house (big step for me), and he is starting to tell me the truth a bit more. Only little bits of things he thinks I already know. He is trying to play it to his advantage still. So People---- They will lie to you if you let them!!!!!

I am so sorry to hear this ladies about your partners lying to you.Lets get to the start of this,low self esteem,depression,bipolar,attention.cheating nature.

We can all make excuses for our actions but at the end of the day we are all accountable for our own actions.To think counselling will work?NOPE it has to be the person in question that wants to make it work.
An amputee does not regain their limbs with counselling as that is a medical condition same as compulsive lying and that lies within the brain and becomes a mental health condition.
Too much theory is made to a persons behaviour and we become like a experiment trying out different things.

fact is fact love is honsety and trust and to me if a person lies about trivial things I wonder what else they are hiding.There is only one fact in life that is truth to each other regardless of any punishments.To talk to me email -------------------. dave

Let's try not to stigmatize the bipolar please. thank you

I have read so much here, and I can relate. Yup, that is how it comes down. Yup, that is the mind warping. Yup, things get twisted around so easy so that I become the liar and I become the problem. I married my wife and fell for her lies. She can not help it I guess. But what do I do. She nearly cost me my business, and I have worked for free for two years just to dig out of what she has done to me. Would anyone reading this want to go to work and NOT get paid? Well, try two years of it at 80 hours a week... just because of a liar wife. She is such a liar, a thief, she wouldn't know how to tell the truth if she even tried. The lies are all mixed up with truths. I simply take the financial beatings. I know she is lying to me still, but that is why I sleep on the couch.... I can not sleep with her. It is a safe place for me away from her lies. Mind trick for me, but a point of division. At some point, she may find herself out on the street. She has a car and can support herself now. I will just take the beatings, but at least it will end and my mind will be free of the warping and abuse.

According to the scripture in the New Testatment Jesus said, "If you hear the truth you hear my voice." Leave quickly,,run away from a liar and don't look back. If you stay you only need to ask yourself what is the pay off for you? Living a lie will destroy the soul...the compulsive liar is probably already lost and the enemy is now going after your soul. As I read a psychologist say on this website, most compulsive liars can not be helped. This is only proof to me that it is an evil driven desire. Only God can help compulsive liars reform and quite frankly that desire to change comes from the same place the lie originated...When something leaves you dranied and empty stop quickly, you are out of your own element.

If your car breaks down, wouldn't you call a tow truck to come and get it? Of course, you can't haul it yourself. It hurts to try and lift something that is too heavy for you. Give yourself a break. You deserve it. That is God's expertise...not ours...

It takes complete reliance on the Holy Spirit to walk away from a compulsive liar or to get any evil out of your life. And liars are controlled by evil.. It's not your responsbility to change them..Call on Jesus Christ for strength for yourself. If the compulsive liar sees the spirit working in you then only then can they change, unless of course, they deny the truth of the Holy Spirit. We are much better off not in the constant company of a compulsive liar. Jesus Christ is my Saviour and I mean that in a every l sense too.. Jesus never lied and always keeps his promises, never has and never will hurt anyone.....that is love.

Be thankful that you can see the truth, there is hope for you.

May God help us all, we all are sinners, yet some of us have repented and are forgiven and that is the grace of God.

osuzq

how does a psychologist differentiate between pathological lying alone (I understand its not a DSM dx), and associated illness such as antisocial, narcisstic, borderline personality disorders, bipolar, sex addictions, etc. Are there any good personality assessments that will help tease this all out (in hopes of a more focused tx). My exboyfriend, who has asked for my help (still) says he wants to stop and realizes that he will never achieve what he wants if he continues. He was in extensive psycholtherapy in his teens (according to mom--who he now doesnt talk to in over 2 years and calls her horrible things and blames her for the way he is).... he is now in therapy again (on his own) though its for depression according to him. He doesnt act too depressed from my view---if anything he is manic in terms of seeking out sex and attention. I have written down the online yahoo support group web site for him. Is there any intensive treatment centers that specialize in this --or in personality disorders in general. His mother and a few of his ex's may be willing to help via a more tough love approach---is there anything like that out there??? There is still good in this person--inside I think he is really a hurt and desperate little boy-- and I care enough (despite how much he has hurt me) that I am seeking this information--after that it is up to him. Then I can exit more gracefully and with hope for him without being sucked into a co-dependent relationship (which isnt easy for me). Any specific advice really appreciated.

I had a boyfriend for 3yrs. In the beginning there weren't very many lies, atleast not really clear one's. As our relationship grew I started to notice things that I later found to be patterned.

First I was introduced to a couple of lady friends, we all went out and we were having a good time. Later on down the line he ended up moving one of the ladies into his home as a roomate. They claimed to be best friends, they both told me. My instincts new better! Not only were her earrings on his head board one morning when I woke up but mine were intertwined with hers and I had to untangle them. Oh, and he handed me her underwear and told me I had left them at his house.

I would ask her what was going on thinking that wemon stick together, hoping that she would admit what was going on because I knew he wouldn't, but NO. I would have thought she would admit it so I would have quit dating him, I guess not! She would smile and tell me nothing is going on, as if it were funny to her.

He said the same but I could see it in his eyes that it wasen't true. They had some kind of open agreement or something.

Sometimes he wouldn't answer his phone and would later say that he was at his sister's house, funny cause I lived down the street at the time and his car was parked at home.

Eventually he moved her out because she didn't pay rent for 3mo's, is this another inclination or what? She would still call late at night and in the afternoon because she was a bartender and that was her awake time.

I asked him to quit talking to her or I would leave. I told him that I knew what was going on and he told me that I created this all in my mind. The more I tried to catch him the more fun he was having screwing around.

He even went to the extremes to purchase another cellular phone so that he could hide it in the glovebox of the car. He kept the ringer off and could receive his messages from her and other's. I had no Idea until I later found it. He disconnected it but then started to hide his cel phone under the mattress or even the couch cushion depending on where he slept. I found later by checking his voice mail on his cel phone that there were many more wemon then I thought.

I don't know how he made time for these wemon or what was so great about him that these other ladies found so great, he isn't great or even good in bed. The fact is, he has money, lots of money but very insecure for clear reasons.

The moral or imoral of the story is that it just got worse. The more you catch them the more they stack their lies. They lie about lying.

I later got pregnant and he told people that the baby was not his. He told me in the beginning of our relationship that he didn't want aniymore children because he already had two and didn't want those ones, I told him that I did and he had better get over it or quit dating me.

He went to the extreme and told me that he wouldn't care if the baby got hit by a car, this is after he was born. Later to impress whom ever he was with at the time, that he wants to be a father and that he will change some things in his life.

Well, my baby is only 3mo's old and I'm not holding my breath on that note. What a mistake having a kid with this nut!

He came to see me 2wk's ago and told me that he wanted me to move in with him so that he could raise his son. He said that he loved me and that I was more than enough women for him not to cheat.

He told me that he never gave me a fair shot at the title and that he would like to really try and make things work, then he wanted sex of corse.

Well, I contacted his new girl friend and shared this information with her because I wanted to see if he split with her befor he came to see me and guess what, NOPE! He happened to be there when I called and guess what he said, he said I was lying, crazy and out of my mind.

He proceeded to tell her that he didn't want to hurt her so he didn't tell her that he came to see me and that I was lying about everything. He said that I was just tryin to make trouble because I am jelious that they are together.

When I confronted him a few days later on the phone about lying he wouldn't admit that he lied. I truely believe that he may have convinced himself that he didn't say those things to me. I supose he may have thought she was on the phone with me.

He told me that I was crazy for calling her and that it wasen't right. So, I guess it's supose to be my fault that he lied, cause I shouldn't have called her. Yeah, OK!

It's all about getting the response they want. Very selfish if you ask me. They don't care who's life they affect as long as they get what they want by getting their needs met or satisfied. It really is a sickness. It seems to be a provoked behavior as well. It's all about control. They feel so out of control that they try to control by manipulation of the truth.

I cant wait until he meets his match one day.
Oh, god forbid if you lie to them! They will never trust you again.

Man I just need to vent. Why do I continue to let this scum bag lie to me? I have done a lot of research on complusive lying and anti social personality disorder. And I have truely met an ASPD!

A year ago I met the man of my dreams or I thought. I have actually been aquainted with him for 7 years he cuts hair where my son gets his hair cut. I had just gone through a divorce that year and he was in the process of filing for a divorce. We hit it off.

This man lied to me about everything and I mean everything. From day one he lied about his financial belongings. Telling me he owed his house and land (not true he rented) telling me he had a CD of money worth 150 thousand (not true) He told be all kinds of stories about a sister that did not exist (how she was a body builder, she was divorced, their mom disowned her cause she is gay) he only has 2 brothers. Told me all this crap about his dad being a bookie and having condos and expensive cars (not true his dad is just a small town barber). He told me he had never cheated on his wife which he has. He lied about how many times he had been married and about how many children he had. He was actually married to two woman at the same time in different towns. He had left one woman and never filed for divorce then married another woman. He got his divorce 4 months after his marriage.

After knowing all this I still continued to see him. He is so charming and so convincing in his story telling. I guess being a college graduate I do not want to believe this could happen to me. That I can be charmed and conned by this man. I fell head over heals in love with him and he gave me my fairy tale romance until his lies back fired. I know I will get over him. This forum has been so helpful too me. Please share your loved ones lies so I can compare them to my list.

Like I said I have done a lot of research on this and they follow a pattern. They tell off the wall lies, they have many sexual partners, may be married simutaneuosly, have many children by different women, move around a lot, do not stay at the same job for long periods, they can not be alone always have to have a partner, tell you what you want to hear to keep you around, in debt, bad credit or no credit, will buy things instead of paying bills, never think things through, always act impulsively, use people to get things. Since they have bad credit they will get you to buy it in your name such as houses, cars, cell phones...Most of these anti social personality disorders go to jail. Only the really smart ones dodge the law. The list goes on.

The best advice I can give is dig into their past. Ask mothers, fathers, brothers, and x-wives. They know these people inside and out cause they too have been lied too. And most of the time they are very willing to share what they know but you have to ask!
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galpal1175 wrote:how does a psychologist differentiate between pathological lying alone (I understand its not a DSM dx), and associated illness such as antisocial, narcisstic, borderline personality disorders, bipolar, sex addictions, etc. Are there any good personality assessments that will help tease this all out (in hopes of a more focused tx). My exboyfriend, who has asked for my help (still) says he wants to stop and realizes that he will never achieve what he wants if he continues. He was in extensive psycholtherapy in his teens (according to mom--who he now doesnt talk to in over 2 years and calls her horrible things and blames her for the way he is).... he is now in therapy again (on his own) though its for depression according to him. He doesnt act too depressed from my view---if anything he is manic in terms of seeking out sex and attention. I have written down the online yahoo support group web site for him. Is there any intensive treatment centers that specialize in this --or in personality disorders in general. His mother and a few of his ex's may be willing to help via a more tough love approach---is there anything like that out there??? There is still good in this person--inside I think he is really a hurt and desperate little boy-- and I care enough (despite how much he has hurt me) that I am seeking this information--after that it is up to him. Then I can exit more gracefully and with hope for him without being sucked into a co-dependent relationship (which isnt easy for me). Any specific advice really appreciated.

I honestly believe there is no hope for these individuals. I know a preacher right now that has been counceling with a compulsive liar for 4 years. This man has lost his wife and 3 children through divorce. The phychologist I spoke with says they are extremely hard to cure and they even con the therapist. Therapist hate dealing with anti social personality disorders. I know there is a psychiatrist in Atlanta, GA that specializes in Anti social personality disoders. I can get the name of him if you want it. This phychiatrist diagnosed my friends 17 year old son and he advised his parents to walk away and not look back. And never give him money.

It is so sad because the man I want to help has the kindest heart and best outgoing personality everyone loves him but he will lie to your face and smile while he is doing it. I too get sucked in by his charm and kindness. They have to want it and most of the time it takes jail time or something bad has to happen to turn these individuals head. And even that does not always work. These indiviuals are leaches and they are sucking the life out of us nice, non lying, caring souls.

Hi all - never been here before - I am in utter shock - not because I find myself married to a complusive liar, but because I found this forum where so many others are experiencing the same thing. I work in the field of psych, yet still, I didn't know. And I saw the signs.....and I denied them (even though I had sworn to myself that I would never EVER deny my intuition again!!) So, here I sit. I do not know what to do. We have a life....we merged our families. kids, etc. We have a house - there are a million things I love about this man. My questions are: Are others finding that these lying people drink a lot (of course, more than he led me to believe in the beginning)?....And what about a link between lying and sexual issues (I recently found out he is also somewhat of a porn addict - I had NO idea before we got married....hid it like a pro!) Lastly, has ANYONE had experience with someone changing this behavior? Of course, he keeps telling me he will, and I keep catching him in lies - stupid, ridiculous, lies that mean nothing!!! I am confused and sad and i don't know whether to try to help him change (he has at least admitted it in counseling), or whether to give up and move on. Please someone get back to me. It feels good to know I am not the only one.