this post has really helped me examine why I'm lying and where I'm at in changing my behavior.
I have never thought of myself as a liar or a compulsive liar until my husband caught me in a big lie about three years ago. I have been struggling with it ever since then. The big lie that set it all off three years ago was that i was texting male friend and becoming close with that person. I hid it from my husband and he found out one night by looking at my phone. I tried to cover it up at first and then not knowing what to do told my husband we should get a divorce. For the next several months it was a struggle in trying to let go of that other person and figure out if I should stay married. My husband and I did decide to stay married but since then he has never trusted me. He has access to all my social media accounts and my email and watches me like a hawk. Sometimes I resent him for it but I do understand. He thinks I lie because I'm selfish and don't care about him.
After that incident all I wanted to do was make things right. I didn't lie to him for months but then, just shy of a year later, I started smoking pot and telling him I wasn't. He caught me in that and wanted to leave me. Every time he catches me in a lie, he says he is going to leave me. After he caught me smoking pot, I swore I would stop, and I did stop. After more than 15 years of smoking pot I stopped and haven't smoked in over a year now. The other thing he wanted me to stop was online video games and forums and games on my phone. That I didn't stop. I have always loved playing games, so i kept playing a game on my phone that did have a forum with the other players. He caught me in that a few months after the pot but I've given that up now too.
Since then I have not lied to him, that was 8 months ago, then I got a bill in the mail that I hid from him, thinking that I could take care of it and not tell him. I don't know why I hit it, I think I was scared. I knew i was making the wrong choice. He didn't trust me in the first place. So then, exactly one year after he found out about the pot, he found the bill (both times on the day of my birthday) and things have not been good. Its been a week since then, and I've really been telling myself I can change, I can be good to him and not lie. My husband is always second guessing me, questioning my motives and thinking I am doing something horrible behind his back.
I put myself in the stupidest situations. Yesterday there was a beggar outside the place I go for lunch and I bought him a lunch meal. About an hour later my husband saw the charge on our bank log and texted me to question me about it. I lied at first, saying that I bought myself a big meal, but he continued to question me on it so I stepped out of the office and told him what I did. He just said bull**** and hung up. He doesn't believe me, he thinks I am having lunch with someone else and now is telling me I have to move out.
After reading this post I am understanding why after so much time of not lying I could lie twice in just a week. I felt so horrible after lying about the bill that I hid. I don't have the right kind of support to guide me through a healing process, just my husband telling me I'm selfish and don't care about anything but myself.
I think I am making progress, after lying about the meal, I was able to backtrack and tell the truth. My husband just thinks I'm a liar and I will never change and he wants a divorce. I feel like my only option is to just go along with what he wants. I am also looking for a therapist to help me through this, because I feel like I really need help.