FULL DETAILS on How to Stop Lying

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Yeah, I'm definitely gonna have to revisit this, and probably often at that. Starting the journal now.

I've been reading this and I will share it because it helps me point out my own lying identifiers. It's a kindle ebook called "How To Tell If Someone Is Lying" Here's the link:

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newmail445 wrote:I've been reading this and I will share it because it helps me point out my own lying identifiers. It's a kindle ebook called "How To Tell If Someone Is Lying" Here's the link:

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looks like the link was deleted. So just go to the amazon kindle store and search "How To Tell If Someone Is Lying" and select the one with black and red font and a woman in a white shirt.

it's a beautiful reply you've posted there with many great tips thank you very much
everytime i lie when i was younger, i was acutely aware it was a lie
and you feel like it would make you feel better BUT it never ever does
you realize no one calls you to hang out and your social circle gets smaller

i have come to realize that when one is so used to lying, he stops being able to control what comes out of his mouth - i mean it could be really inappropriate stuff you know like once i said to my friend that someone was fat and that guy was so near
it is not possible to discipline your mind if you cannot discipline your mouth
and i am filled with so much pain and regret daily

Thank you so much for posting this info. I have been struggling with lying for a long time. I think I learned how to hide from myself after a traumatic event and I basically have woven the habit into my every day life. I will catch myself lying at the most insignificant thing and wonder what in the world I felt the need to lie for. Your two large articles are helping me understand this and have given me a start at correcting this....sometimes 1 word at a time.

I have run into a situation that I just feel compelled to write about. I have been in a relationship that has had its ups and downs since the beginning. I can say that I have felt the need to lie getting stronger and stronger. The bad part is in the very beginning I was accused of lying when in fact I was not. Just that simple accusation fed the beast "miracle grow". The pressure of everyday life, impending surgeries, and just the basic caving in of every facet of my life fed the beast even more. However, as tumultuous as my relationship was, we stuck together. When things are good they are really good. When things are bad I am constantly reminded by D of every lie I have told and accused of "so many more that she just does not know of yet." Here again more food for the Beast.

In trying to make every effort to stop this maddening habit I told D that I was up for full disclosure. I inadvertently left out some and one of those came up last night. Her reaction was not what I thought it would be. I was immediately accused of lying last week by saying that I had come clean to her all of the lies.... She states that she now feels betrayed and has decided she will no longer talk to me. Also she made some pretty mean statements that I think was just anger coming out. Now I am stuck.... I dont know how to handle when from out of the blue I remember a lie and want to tell the truth about it. Not to sound callus, I was wrong, but I feel she is really playing a victim role. I know this is a twisted mess but if you can offer any suggestions I would greatly appreciate them. Thanks again for your information Wes

My dad is a compulsive liar. I think he does it to avoid conflict and keep things as calm as possible. He also does it to try and please everyone. I am worried that I'm falling into the same trap because I absolutely hate conflict and arguments. I have lied to my sister about my problems with eating, by either twisting the truth or completely withholding information and letting her think nothing is wrong. I do it because I don't want to hurt her/make her worry and I also don't want to trigger anything for her.
I really don't want to follow in my dads footsteps because he has done horrible things. He lied for weeks pretending that he still had a job (when he had actually been made redundant). He would drop my mum off to work and then drive off pretending to go to work, only to return home soon after. My mum suspected something was up and called his office and they told her that he didn't work there any more. She played along and caught my dad in the act of lying and he got really defensive and angry.
Is there any way that I can encourage my dad to be more open and honest? I can make a change in myself but I'm not sure how to get my dad to tell the truth when I suspect he's lying.
Any advice would be appreciated!

sophita... thanks for this post. I am a compulsive liar, in recovery. I am also a Dad. I have many other afflictions, perhaps associated, or that have caused, or are the cause of, my inability to be honest and transparent. My children are still rather young, at ages where they will probably not confront me about my problem(s). But children are sensitive. They feel problems at home. They know that I am the cause of the current critical state of my marriage, and that our family unit as we know it hangs in the balance of my overcoming this (these) problem(s). But they love me. Probably unconditionally. And I probably don't deserve that right now. But anyway...

So your post got me thinking about how receptive I'd be if one of my kids confronted me about my lying. I myself get defensive and angry when I'm exposed, usually because of the anger coming at me from the one who exposed me. However, since I've been working on being honest, and the people who love me (try to) understand my weakness, they tend to come at me with a little more tenderness and kindness. My response to that strategy is usually met also with tenderness and kindness.

Since you yourself have identified that you have this problem and addiction too, perhaps you could come at your dad from a position of humility, sharing that you've noticed in yourself you have this problem, and are working at fixing it, and perhaps suggest that he could help you be accountable, and in return you could do the same for him. Because from now on, you want an open and honest relationship with him, and that requires you both to be honest.

This is just a suggestion based on how I would react best, being a liar and a dad. This suggestion may very well be useless to you. Knowing your dad like only you do, you could tailor this to suit your relationship.

And to Sewllab in the previous post... I can relate. Being accused of lying when I'm actually telling the truth is more frustrating and anger inducing than being called out on a lie. Simply being accused conjures up the same rumble-in-the-tummy kind of feeling I get when a lie rolls off my lips. I'm hoping that it gets better, and that feeling goes away, because in all honesty, it makes me want to abandon the honesty road sometimes.

Best of luck to each of you on your path of recovery.

Hi. Im new to this forum. Im also new to the idea that i have a problem.
Im at the last knot of my rope...realizing that the very foundation that i have been living on is not just a lie. But MY LIE.

I am at fault. There may have been root causes to this. My parents, my wife. My upbringing.

But at the end of the day....THEY arent the ones running from the truth. They arent the ones who hide their fear, their shame, their disorder with a pack of lies.

I am. Im a lying lier who lies...and i need help.

I tried to find a therapist today. Ugh...because our health insurance has changed (and not for the better) i have to meet my deductible before i can even come close to affording an appontment

But im going to keep calling till i get someone

until then i have a 5 point plan...which is GREATLY helped by the first post above

1. Im going to fully understand i have a disease. Much like my father with alcohol, i have an addicted personality. I am addicted to covering myself in the protective layer that are my lies as i try and deflect things that are uncomfortable away from me....be them my own insucurities about my self esteem OR when being confronted by agressive personalities.

2. I am going to to my best to find a therapist....if all i find is someone who is very expensive ill just have to do this once a month. And will just manage the best i can. The important thing is to start to get help....in whatever form it takes.

3. Slow down. Take Notes and understand WHY i lie. Reading the above....it dawns on me that i lie being im being rushed with accusations of wrong doing....or just being rushed to answer with the idea THAT I AM being accused even when im not. Thats the key....so next time im asked something in a rushed fashion....SLOW it down. Respond to things on MY TERMS. Breathe...then answer.

4. DO IT. 9 times out of 10 i lie about things i was supposed to do and didnt because of lack of doing. I didnt clean this, i didnt follow through on that, i forgot to pick up this. Its because im easily distracted and then feel as though i have to lie to cover up my mistakes. best way to solve this....DO IT. FOLLOW THROUGH. Make a list of distractions and remove them.

5. Make a list of my lies...and find a pattern. Find out what is causing them and ACT

now...im in a very delicate situation because the person who just forgave me for my actions was just lied to again by myself....so im going to have to live with her anger, resentment and mistrust for a very long time. What i have to do is find the strength to get better. And get well

Carlos... thanks for sharing.

I look in the mirror and still don't like what I see, but I tell myself that I am a liar and I will stop (am stopping, or have stopped), and I don't want to hurt my family any longer.

In my humble opinion, therapy is a good idea. You sit across from this person with whom you have no attachment to whatsoever, so you really have no reason to lie to this person. To be completely honest, that hasn't stopped me before, but being 100% serious about beating my affliction now, I've told my therapist all the ugly truth. And if all you do is consider that "practicing" to tell the truth, irrespective of any actual help the therapist may give you, that's probably worth it.