Living with Boaderline Personality Disorder

Hi everyone. I'm new here but I figured I would give this site a shot to talk amongst other people suffering from the same disorder as me, BPD. Ill be 29 on the 2nd and I have two children. As of recently I have been trying to make a big turn around in my life. I have been living with BPD for so long since my very traumatic childhood and it makes me sad to realize that I have been living my life in a debilitating way for a very long time. It's time for a change. I hate change though. Because sometimes it's hard..:/ I have been in therapy since I was 16. I have actually managed to keep the same physiologist for this whole time frame. I have been seeing a new counselor for just about the past year and she is wonderful. Recently I made the decision to end all of my toxic friendships. One of which was my best friend of many years. We met when I was 12 years old. Now I feel so incredibly alone. It's like moving to a new state and starting a new life with knowing no one. Feelings if sadness, despair and abandonment ass phase into one. It's hard this is a HUGE CHANGE!! But I know it's better for myself as well as my girls to not be surrounded by people who only bring negativity into ours lives. I'm actually a little intimidated by even posting in this forum hoping that no one knows me. The Internet is a big world so I'm shooting for a big no. I just wish it was easy to overcome BPD. It surely is a struggle. I want to cry as I type this but as the same time it feels as though my tears have all dried up after being hurt so many times. Or even being called crazy which is what many people refer to me as. I don't dare tell those people that I have BPD for I'm afraid they would use it to a negative advantage. I wish so much to be understood. I have been trolling sites about DBT tonight. Does anyone know how to deal with the triggers that set off different moods when it comes to DBT?? I'm trying to pin point my triggers and that way I can help deal with them, more So hopefully resolve them. I just want to get better. I don't want to live with these feelings anymore....:/ Its mentally and physically exhausting but sleep doesn't come easy these days. My support system is very small.. I have two or three people that I know I can count on but that's it. Im also single due to the fact I manage to destroy every relationship that I have with men due to issues of not being able to trust men at all. Thoughts anyone? But please if it's negative please don't post. Hatred is not what I'm looking for. Thanks all.

There are quite a few intelligent and patient people on this site, don't be shy. The moderators for the most part are very active. With that out of the way... Welcome to Psychforums.

DBT - Know thy self. It could be argued this is the path of the East in a basic framework to bend personal philosophy of understanding to people that wouldn't normally have the desire to study Buddhism or a similar personal philosophy built around meditation, mindfulness, awareness, etc...

This is a commonly recommended website for self-help in relation to DBT.

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/

Generally a Journal is a good place to start if you don't already have one. This isn't a diary, but to start a list of things that 'trigger' you. You can't deal with what you haven't identified. Triggers can be obscure and completely bizarre. I remember a discussion on recovering Cocaine Addicts listing images of humming birds generating an almost irresistible urge to use again. So when you're attempting to identify them, leave no stone unturned.

Here's some threads on talking about triggers for BPD... THESE MAY TRIGGER YOU... But people have compiled lists.

borderline-personality/topic94263.html
borderline-personality/topic90641.html

DBT is like CBT, they both basically build off Awareness for Emotional Regulation, Decision Making, and Communication. There's a lot of discussions/threads on this site where both have been picked apart. I'll dig some of them up for you.

depersonalization/topic67983.html
borderline-personality/topic102840.html
borderline-personality/topic103956.html
borderline-personality/topic105859.html
borderline-personality/topic106224.html
borderline-personality/topic106292.html

Here's a youtube video... Skip to around 27m:30s it'll switch to a discussion directly relating to BPD and DBT/Schema and what to expect during counselling. It's somewhat low quality, and there's noise on the mic, but it's watchable.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QClqC2lQBgo

This is a really decent seminar on mindfulness and a treatment study for drug resistant depression. I'd recommend watching it. Specifically 14m:50s. He makes an interesting remark also around 41m:30s. The thing with mindfulness training is it crosses over to a lot of other issues in daily life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eQ3MWz4yrI

The journey you're about to walk is one of great meaning. So I would start with the basics on understanding meditation, if everything else I listed hasn't pointed you in a direction you find useful.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meditation

These are all paper problems. If I missed the boat in what you were asking/commenting on, post again asking for clarification. Or if you have other questions pertaining to things you're learning about, keep it going. People will add their 2 cents. Keep your head up, you're going to be okay.

Hi. Wishing you a warm welcome to the forum. There is a real and supportive sense of community here, with many others who can identify with you. I'm posting this to the Borderline Personality Disorder Forum, and leaving a Shadow Thread here for you so you can receive the support of both forums.

The moderators are always on hand and can be PM'd if you wish to speak to them.

Welcome! Yeah, it does feel lonely when you let go of all those toxic friendships. When you come to the realization of how many people you had that were toxic, and how many you have left. Know that you lost fewer friends that you realized. And you'll make new friends and have new better experiences with those new, real friends.

I had to do the same thing not too long ago. My "friends" would want want want, but then kick me while I was down. I became homeless at around christmas and decided I was done with them all. Best thing I ever did. Now I have my own apartment, I take care of myself, and I'm slowly becoming a happier person! I missed them "friends" at first, but now I don't.

I wish it were easy to conquer this disorder too. It sucks. Or at least easier to deal with the emotions. They're so intense they're hard to control.

So I had a very successful appointment with my counselor last Monday as well as my pysc doctor. I have been put on Prozac and serequel to help me sleep. The past couple of days have been much better. I feel like my whip lash of mood swings as toned down a lot. My councilor had talked to me about EMDR. Has anyone ever tried this method of therapy? It to help deal with the trama that you have been through in your life. It's suppose to very be successful!! I'm hoping I can find a clinican in my area that provides this treatment so I can give in a try. I'm regards to letting go of the toxic friendships it has gotten a lot easier!! I don't find myself wondering and missing as much. It is still hard at times but surly not has hard as I thought it was going to be. One very important factor is that I'm not focusing in all their insane lives and I'm able to focus more on me and what my problems are and how to work through them effectively. Change is hard but I surely feel its paying off! Thank you all for your support it means a lot to know I'm not going through this alone and I'm able to talk to all of you... also in regards to DBT. My councelor and I work on DBT skills every week.