Okay, these blogs were up here for almost six weeks, and nobody said a word. Now that all of the content has been deleted, views have tripled. Anyone care to explain?

I guess the problem for me is an over active mind, I find that it rarely slows down and even at times when I am writing my brain gets ahead of me and I start to write the next word in the sentence before completing the current one...

I have always had a highly active mind and my mother loves recounting a story from my childhood. When I was in the 1st grade my teacher believed that I wasn't paying attention in class as I was constantly doodling or looking at pictures in books. My mother asked her to do a simple thing and when she felt I wasn't paying attention she was to ask me a question related to what it was that she'd been doing or speaking about.

Naturally of course this didn't take long to happen and I got asked the question and answered it correctly. I have no recollection of the entire thing but that is something my mother remembers very fondly because it showed that I was paying attention in class even if the lessons seemed to bore me.

Well, I have never blogged before, so this is a new endeavor for me. Funny, I just deleted my Facebook accounts because I got tired of everyone posting their every emotion for the world to see. But I have to say, I'm really glad I found this site while researching BP and Cyclothymia for myself. It seems like a very good tool for support, so I'm giving it a go. Only some very close people in my life know that I've been dealing with this issue, and it's nice to have a place online to visit where people can relate to what you're going through.

Thought about what a first entry should be. Thought about "telling my story," but that's the silly perfectionist in me trying to create the perfect blog. After a few minutes I decided to just start with what is going on right now with me. No better place to start than the present.

I'm off to the pdoc in about an hour for my first follow-up since being put on mood stabilizers. Given that they've had such a dramatic positive effect, I'm going to see if the doc will venture a diagnosis; know she was unable to do that during my last visit a month ago, as she needed to see if the meds had any effect on me.

For now I have my blog permissions set so that all can read and members can post. Will see how this goes and adjust as I go, if needed. Still figuring out all the features of the site, so I haven't gotten friends on here yet...will see how that goes too...lol. All in all, liking my experience so far.

Will post after my pdoc visit... fingers crossed....

-Koshka

3 good things from today:

1. My new car - it's great to be able to get out and about without worrying about breaking down. It's a much easier car to drive so I'm happier going about town now.

2. Managing to lead today's tai chi class until the instructor arrived. I had to stand at the front and take everyone else through their exercises then call out the moves when we went through the set. I was anxious but everyone said "well done" at the end.

3. Texting my new boyfriend....blush.....we had our first date last week. A 6 and a half hour cup of coffee! We're meeting again tomorrow for lunch so who knows how long we can make that last?! He knows about my BPD and has been very understanding as his mum suffers from depression. He works in a care home looking after people with dementia - so he really can understand and support me. I just wish he lived closer!

We tend to think of ourselves as free autonomous conscious entities. We are human, and that makes us stand out. To my mind this is an oversimplistic view of reality.

As mammals evolved into primates the brain evolved too. But the principle of evolution being that existing systems are being extended, that caused additional brains to spring from the original basic brain, the brainstem, to take up the extra load.

All vertebrates have a brainstem like structure. It is the minimum needed to keep the body going. Nutrition, oxygenation, temperature, movement etc. are regulated by the brainstem.

With the evolution of the mammals a second outcrop started to develop. The limbic system.

The connection between the limbic system and the brainstem is a mostly one way system in the sense that both brains can interact with the body but not with each other. The two brains are fused together at the bottom of the brainstem into the spinal cord. This gives the limbic system corporal control,in conjunction with the more automated brainstem.

It is a much more advanced brain which handles various higher order processes, such as survival tactics. Survival depends on properly recognizing danger, food, procreation opportunities.

This takes advanced planning, decision making, fast responses to stimuli. This brain interacts with its environment, it must be aware of itself and its relation to its environment to do the job properly.

In other words it is conscious at a certain level.

As mammals further developed into social beings, a new outcrop started to form. The neocortex.

This third brain again has mostly one-way connections with the other two brains. It also fuses into the spinal cord giving it further control over corporal functions. The neocortex houses the most advanced processes,it refines all functions of the limbic system and adds the high order intellectual capacity, such grammatical language, self awareness.

In view of the very limited vertical connections between the neocortex and the underlying limbic system, and taken the fact that the limbic system has priority in determining danger/food/procreation in its environment one can see that the neocortex always by necessity reacts after the fact.

The limbic system perceives danger, it prepares the body for the fight/flight response and the neocortex takes this up afterwards due to a complicated interpretative analyses of facial expression (the limbic system has control over that), body stance, muscle tension, heart rate, respiration,hormone levels and lastly visual and auditory clues.

In most cases where immediate action is deemed necessary by the limbic system it performs the required action, leaving the neocortex to figure out why the body landed a blow in someones face.

This gives rise to the thesis that ‘our’ consciousness is just along for the ride. Although ‘we’ can plan and act accordingly, when it comes to real-time environmental interaction its our other consciousness which calls the shots.

This has far reaching consequences for the premise of ‘free will’. Who has the free will, which consciousness we hold accountable. Or do we just hold the one accountable which can make itself heard even though in reality that consciousness actually hasn’t a clue why his body did what it did and has to concoct an explanation itself.

It also places emotions. Emotions are not ‘our’ emotions but the expression of the state of the other consciousness which for lack of further interaction the neocortex also has to determine via interpretative analysis.

Which leaves ofcourse the facility to plan and (re)act based on cognitive functions. One still can decide to do X or Y. Still this decision making process is being manipulated.

To my mind this whole system is best explained with this analogue:

Imagine that our awareness is the flow across the Collector and Emitter of a Transistor. The Base in this analogue is the limbic system, tiny fluctuations can have a big effect on our storyteller.

Thi...

[ Continued ]