Another blog on the same topic: Was I raped? I was in middle school, maybe 7th or 8th grade. My supposed friend took me to her neighbors house. He was older than me. As a joke they both wanted to see if I had any peach fuzz. My friend held me down while the guy pulled down my pants and underwear. There was no intercourse. I don't remember much after that. This has been etched in my brain since about 1982 or '83. Is there anything I can do about it or is it a moot point. Or, should I just forget about it?

Now I've gotten all those Journal entries in here.

At the moment I'm doin' pretty good. I've been reading a book lately. 'When Rabbit Howls" It's a really good book. A true story written by a woman with Multiple Personality Disorder. She has at least 90 different personalities, and they all pull together to write the story. Reading is really helping me get through things without being on the computer all the time. I feel less secluded when reading, since I can do it wherever I want instead of being stuck by an outlet.

Well, I got a call on Sunday from my fiance. He really wants to come home. They did a psyche evaluation on him and the woman told him that he was "egotistical to the point of delusion" ... not sure what exactly she was getting at. His response was, "Yeah, I knew I was awesome." It's made me wonder though, is there anything wrong with him mentally?? Maybe that's why he can put up with me. Haha. I can't wait for him to get home though. I miss him so much.

I miss his face so much right now. I hope I get a call from him tomorrow. What I hope more is that he tells me he's coming home. I will honestly cry if he tells me he's staying in boot camp voluntarily... I've not told him that, but it would tear me apart. I am just hoping that in his heart he feels the same as me... I don't want him to be taken from me... to be away from me for so long. My daughter has already grown so big in 2 months... He's missing so much... Please... please please let him be medically discharged so we can have that dream life I've pictured in my head for years.... Please...

The anger is subsiding, but the melancholy is rising. I suppose the psychiatrist was right when he said they were two sides to the same coin. I'm not depressed really, but I'm getting those twinges of sadness again. I also am wanting to eat junk food a lot more again. There was a good point there where I wasn't.... Now I just want to sleep to make the boredom go away.

I wish I had friends. Haha.

This has been a good day. Bought some new bras and got a letter from my man. He sounds like he's really thinking of coming home. He said we need to find a place to live together and everything. He ended his letter saying to stock up on condoms... hahaha. I know how he feels. We've been apart for 2 months! I hope he tells me in his phone call this weekend that he's going to come home.