As a born-again Christian, I've often been accused of trying to earn Brownie-points, or of thinking I'm morally superior or a hypocrite - it comes with the territory as a Christian that other people think we're very weak & narcissistic at times, not admitting we need the 'crutch' of an invisible deity and not getting our 'just desserts' when we screw up because we've prayed and God forgives us and we go on our merry way and we're clinging to that illusion of righteous entitlement.

"I bet you're a street angel/house devil, admit it, nobody's that humble, there's going to be an agenda somewhere. Fakers, charlatans under a veneer of niceness & charming, clever words! You're just after money and personal gain off the backs of unsuspecting, trusting folk!" they sneer. Healing the sick, casting out demons & raising the dead? The supernatural? Absolute magical thinking and fantasy, come on now, it's not reasonable - you show me proof and I might believe you etc but if truth be told you scare me and I'd rather just avoid you and not deal with the ugly, dark feelings about myself that bubble up from my gut when we're together.

"Bloody holier-than-thou Christians make me so angry! So cliquey & elitist! All the wars are caused by religion..." they snarl (because born-again Christians get lumped in with the bad behavior of anyone who does things in God's watered-down name - we're just an easy group to pick on). Singling out the spectacular Swindler or Pervert or Adulterer from the Christian ranks as a scapegoat and hurling abuse about those ills they've done to Society makes it more comfortable for people to say "They've done far worse things than I've ever done. I would never behave like that." In denial, convincing themselves that it's only those people who are the fallen-from-grace demonized who've brought the world to the brink of disaster when it is EVERY individual's responsibility to behave with consistent goodness to make the world a better place.

And the 'fact' that we just know we're right and other faith viewpoints are wrong and we talk about that (the nerve!) and yes, yes, yes, you can't explain what your faith feels like, you just keep saying if others were Christians too then they'd know what it felt like, well, I just don't wanna know or understand you and your life, I'll save my sympathy for someone more worthy than you deluded fools... Calling yourself a 'saint'! Don't you come around me again, getting me all hopeful and then letting me down, trying my patience with your rules I keep breaking (according to YOU) & leaving me worse off than before, you hear?

It struck a chord with me

Sun 5 February
Clean since date: Fri 3 February
RR 100%

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Thy will, not mine be done.
Amen
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Remember everyday: Keep repeating “God’s will” OUT LOUD as much as you can. Even if you can only whisper or mouth it. Failing all that say it in your head but whatever the case constantly keep saying it!
…………..
Yesterday I went to a meeting. I did some outreach calls where I pushed someone who didn’t have a sponsor to get a sponsor, encouraged a newcomer to come to a 2nd meeting, and asked someone how they were getting on with their stepwork, and when they told me about a difficult situation they encountered at work on Friday I asked them if they had asked their sponsor about it, and what their sponsor had said to do (I should have asked them if they had taken this action, and how thourough they had been about taking this action). Yesterday I also spent time working the steps which involved actually doing written tasks my sponsor had set for me to do.

Want to repeat this from yesterday’s entry:

“God is telling me that I need to push other people harder in the program down the 12 steps, asking them how many meetings they go to, asking them what actions they have taken for recovery and spirituality that day. I can’t worry about treading on egg shells or affecting someone’s pride. I know I want other people to push me harder down the 12 steps etc. and I need to start thinking about helping other people in their recovery more. I think it will help me be less self-centred and less thinking about myself.”

they lost the supersymmetry bet at the LHC in 2016 lets see all the different views out there and see if we can find more Theories that experimentation could be made regarding.
I always remember glycine was a base amino acid that had neither left or right chireal isomers. Now you can buy L glycine.
could this be a memory issue, A change in the laws of physics or something else.
The lowest common denominator would be a memory issue.
Here's my theory
Atoms btw only behave spherical at a cooled crystal state.
if your looking for geometry of atomic space then an electron is a vortex swirling from 2d to 3d space and collapsing back down as it traverses freely through 3d space.
a proton is an hour glass shaped double vortex orbiting itself more to the point an electron pairing is a positron and it evolves to become a proton from early explosive sate ofa galaxy emerging from a black hole because a black hole is a white hole it's a 4d traversal of 3d space eventually collapsing back down to 3d. when a galaxy emerges somewhere new from a black hole it aligns 3d gravitationally wise with the surrounding galaxies slowly picking up mass. when a galaxy becomes big enough it breaches the 4d at some black hole nodes of something bigger an effort of the galaxy to move on.
neutrons are simply a neutralizing effect on electron orbits caused by the proton.
I would say judging by large and small i would say that many places in space behave differently and have their own warpedness.
Neutrinos have no chirality because they are simply an explosive force across a medium so they will direct them self to the end of a gamma ray burst faster than the speed of light as the gamma ray moves but such explosive force can only reach the end of the gamma ray as it has nowhere else to go considering what neutrino effects are.
So can a conscious move across dimensionality and find it self in new places.
I think so yes.

First; let me check up to what has been happening....
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I was collecting plastic model kits; this was an extension to the developmental process recreated by God for me when asked. I was at this level of 8 years old; plastic model kits. Before this train sets; before this; football... tossing the football. Art creation... before this; legos I think. All starting at the age of 4 or 5 years old again within child self.
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From plastic model kits; suddenly Im interested in Guitar again. and this time Im serious about being a beginning student. And Ive now been at it steady with a metronome for 2 months; something like that.... or 1 1/2 months. The goal is October 1; 120 days; playing 10 minutes everyday...
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From guitar is working live with others; and I started to and have been numerous times now and from this; playing live; performing and Ive been working with another beginning guitarist out in the park; and we practice and sing to passer by's... from the small building in the middle of the park; that place for rent for parties and such...
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Suddenly from this; I automatically moved the electronic piano out into the main area in my apartment next to the guitar and I started sight reading again... Amazing... So; same thing; oct 1; 120 days... 10 minutes a day. Ive been at it for about 3 weeks; everyday...
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And from performing live comes the need to make songs and write lyrics.. and play them with my friend in the park.
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And suddenly the praying for the relieving of character flaws getting in the way of drumming. and Ive now gotten out the practice drum pads and sticks and Ive already started. So this is starting as well. 10 minutes of drumming a day... Practice.
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And Im singing again because Im actually doing it live.... in front of others... So all of that has come true...
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And next.
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ART;
This has baffled me... But; ive been praying for answers from the universe; expecting an answer and I got it suddenly and easily; it just silently flowed onto my white page...
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THe answer; make a dot on a canvas; spend 5 minutes creating something cool from it.. So this for 120 days; or until OCT 1st. So; ill be starting this today; I got the answer today...
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WOMEN;
So; the next area of development is with women; and Ive got some answers of a beginning idea; but not really; nothing yet. But one area that is holding; building self esteem doing other things and having other friends and then it spills off into my confidence around women.
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Women are a hard one for me because of the horror treatment I had by men and women when young. Just horrible nightmare; monsters; Sadistic...
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Ive notice that the ones that liked me; I may have asked them out then pulled back from them... Maybe next time; talk to them... go have coffee with them... But they know what I was asking for...
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I refused to have coffee with them or go on dates with them... How could I get to know someone.
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Ive had many fears of people finding out about my real torn up life. So; Ive stayed away; but I realize now; I never gave anyone a chance. Ill have to do that next time.
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One area of fear; but I can work with God on it; MONEY. I dont have any. And this has scared me because I dont have any identity to cover this flaw up... Its brutal on my ego... But the truth is good enough; so; Ill have to learn to tell the truth about who I am I guess.
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So; Im controlling with women so I can end up a 6 year old child with them; they taking care of me and loving me and doding all over...
But I would not allow this to happen because I was afraid they would turn on me and turn into a monster. or reject me... So;' I stayed away; I never allowed them to get close. Most of them never cared regardless. They just moved on to someone else as if I didnt exist.
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I never went to coffee with them... never tried to get to know them; this is every important...

[ Continued ]

I'd like to start off my first post talking about my struggle with eating.

I distinctly remember, at age 11, perhaps, saying "don't worry, I'll never have anorexia - I love food too much!"

I never did have anorexia, or bulimia... but I have always struggled with food.

Ever since 3rd grade, I'd compare my thighs to the other girls'. Mine were thick, and theirs were thin. And then I'd look at my stomach.

My stomach, wobbly and large, spilling over the waistbands of my jeans. I'd always been envious of the girls, with their thin arms and flat stomachs, but never did I hate my body more than when I was around them.

Things only got worse as I got older. Eating sweets, which used to be a pleasure, became guilty and served as a stepping stone for bingeing habits. I'd go on a "diet" for about 2 days, and then completely fail. I'd make my way to the pantry, and cram some chocolate chips down my gullet. Or devour several power bars.

And every time, without fail, I hated myself a little more and more.

It didn't matter if I was at a party, a friend's house, at school, or my own home - I'd see food, and I would eat much more of it than my body actually wanted.

And did I mention how I gorged myself every time my family went out to eat? I'd eat the ENTIRE meal, and then order dessert. For myself.

I've tried going Paleo, vegetarian, vegan, you name it. But in the end, my mind wins out.

And I have no clue where to go from here.