Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.

“Drive”

I’m riding the bus with an exbf. It’s a lady bus driver & the bus is full. The bus encounters road work, but the bus driver keeps driving. I’m worried, but I figure the driver knows better what her route is than I. The landscape is remarkable. Crumbling old buildings & nature.

She finally turns the bus around when there is a huge hole in the road. The detour is even more incredible & akin to a ride in an amusement park. We end up in a different city altogether & the architecture around us is amazing.

I’ve been to this city before, but don’t recognize any buildings. We’re in a very old, falling down part of the city. I’m in awe, but I also am ready for this bus ride to be over. The other riders are obnoxious & crowding me.

“Drive, part 2”

I’m driving my car on the highway, but I’m in the backseat. There’s a bunch of crap wedged in the dash obscuring my view. I don’t have control of the speed, I barely have control of the wheel, but I’m somehow managing not to hit the other cars.

I’m eventually able to pull the car over on the shoulder. I see the ocean out the passenger side windows. It’s still light outside & reflects beautifully off the surf. Out the driver side window, I see a police truck pulled up behind me, but no one exits the vehicle.

The Common interest of Sovereignty and Peace Alliance.
Finland, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Belarus, Ukraine and Georgia.
Here the countries vow to step in if necessary in the name of peace and sovereignty in the region.
They may get help from other military's relative to risk in peace times far more so.
These groups have suffered more than most from tensions between east and west issues often because of earthly location discrimination not anything anyone from these countries have personally plundered.

If she blasted back into space, like she implied she eventually would, I hope she found a wonderful planet to occupy. That's my hope for her.

I had an episode this morning.

I felt so out of control, it felt like I could not control what was spewing from my mouth and mind. I'm just happy I did not get violent towards myself. I didn't hit my face or head once, or pull my hair or skin, that is a step forward, even if it is followed by a couple steps back..

Though now I fear I have smashed my relationship in to hundreds of shattered pieces that are impossible to glue back together..

I also feel I should move out, be alone and delve into therapy.. Try to fix myself.
Somewhere inside I enjoy this darkness that consumes me, I feel at home in it.



I don't know. I just feel numb. I'm angry at that person from this morning, she was out of control. I just want to be happy.