“The Change”

Father said I “howled” in my sleep this morning & that it “made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up”. What a Drama Queen.

I’m in a middle school, walking polished corridors in the late afternoon. I am leaving, but must pass through a mall to exit the building. I am out on the sidewalk looking into the horizon of a parking lot.

I am re-entering the mall, because I’m not really sure where I parked my car, only to find myself burrowing further & further underground until the tile turns to dirt.

I see a makeshift door & peek inside. I see an adult female around my age. It’s not me. It’s a woman I have never met. I meet her eyes & then duck back into the corridor so as not to intrude.

I turn around to go back the way I came & see a raccoon tumbling around the corner in a playful fashion. A young man is following. I’m trying to talk, but my words are garbled.

The more I am trying to talk, the more garbled my speech becomes & that’s when I “howled” so that the hairs on father’s neck “stood up”.

I woke myself up at that point, because I was like, did I just yell out loud?

I think this is me processing my butthurt about a number of things, including doing my old taxes, inevitable human conflict & how perimenopause isn’t “helping”.

It’s a good thing though. I want to use these things as stepping stones to own.

I also saw an old boss of mine as I was leaving the school. She had her dysfunctional family in tow. I was alone but okay.

Seeing old boss as I am leaving school. Her daughter is lagging behind with her children. My old boss is slowing to wait. I’m going ahead.