I am doing really good on all fronts in my life.

M has been texting me. Just a little bit. Do I think about him. Hardly. I am reminded of him when I hear from him. I told him we could be friends. We are that, we just never hang out by his choice. I said I would respect his decision. So I don't reach out to him unless he does so, first. It's what he wanted. Now he has to live with that decision. I do miss him a little. I did care about him. He's a nice guy. But I'm ok without him in my life as it has been proven. I'm happy and fulfilled. And I am still in search of my Mr. Right. God bless him, I wish him the best life has to offer.

I am single as in with having guys only as friends. I longed for loving companionship with the opposite sex. So far that hasn't come to fruition. Hope remains. I started out on the wrong foot, with a great-looking guy named T. He was 6' 2" and so handsome. He liked me. He reached out to me on an online dating site. We met in person and he was even more handsome in person. I was thrilled.

Then I met M and that was great. He was in my life for 5 years, off and on. Friends and more. We remain friends but it ends there. He is incapable of more. Just very immature. Some people, men and women, remain immature for life, is my opinion. To their detriment. They cheat or others cheat on them. It's not always pretty. He became violent with another woman and went to jail. Had to pay thousands of dollars to a lawyer to help him out. I knew him before all this happened. And I still cared about him because he messed up one time, but he was a good guy overall. That is why we could be friends. He cared about me too. Everytime we saw each other he reached out to me and gave me a loving kiss. But I moved on. He is still my friend but I don't want more with him. I met other guys in my time I dated. R. Hispanic, and local to the area. A., who was Egyptian. I asked him his nationality. M. who is a great guy and we still keep in touch. I did have one very bad experience. I don't wish to recount this experience because all I can say is that people such as this person exist. Whether they are male or female, it doesn't matter. They are unkind, betray, and do not see any wrong with their behavior. Stay away from someone like this. There are sure signs to alert you to who they are. They only change if they know and acknowledge their wrong, but it won't happen in this lifetime, because they refuse to admit they are bad people to others. I cannot say I came out of this unscathed. It affected me and I am ok now. Just had to let this hurtful experience pass through my life and I came out perfectly ok after it was all said and done.

Now I choose to remain single for the moment. All the wiser and I make good decisions.

There is something I have learned that others have not clue about. I can understand that I, as a woman am important to a man who can see this and who also understands that I am loved by him. All of me, not just my body to be used. Do I give myself up entirely to him. In time. When we have established a relationship where he and I are in a good place to know we exist for each other. Only then. Otherwise, the passion ends quickly like a dry branch burning and disappearing in the ashes. That is how quickly that dies out. That's one mistake I have made in my past. I had an innocent belief that because I care about someone, he could return that same love to me. But men and women are made differently and men at times, by being made differently, cannot respond in the same way. So I am not seen in that same light of love and caring way that I can give a man. Then the rest goes downhill. It's a fact.

But I am a firm believer that Love exists and I am awaiting the right man. M is still in my life and he values me, but I have walked away from "us" and maybe we will try at more in a relationship, in the form of dating again, and we can both decide if it may turn into more. In the meantime, I give him his space to leave things in friendship or see if he is interested in more. And I wait if I meet someone else or if I choose to accept his wish to date again. I take my place in this grand scheme of life. My life.

<3

I am on a path that has me growing as a woman more and more.

Sometimes you have to find out the hard way that certain people are not good people, and that when you give them the benefit of the doubt, that it's all a waste of time. Some people are not nice.

When I tell my 3 and 4 year olds, "Be nice!" or "That is not nice! You need to say you're sorry!" it's like I need to tell this person that. (Rolls eyes). Whatever...Some things are better left alone and just move on and be done with it. Says the new me who is so pleased with the courage I had and how I stood up for myself. It was coming, that I fight back even if it's in a quiet manner. People got pissy when I said, this is it, I'm not taking their garbage anymore and they can just "Leave". Feels good!

To grow as a person. To grow as a woman.

I am lucky enough to admit that my life has been very good these last few months. I am doing great being single. I am single but I am looking for my Mr. Right. There are still millions or maybe in the billions, of men who are available out in this great ocean of the world. I am single. I'm looking ahead to the future. Of encountering Love. Isn't that what makes the world go round. Love. If we are so lucky to find it.

I'm 49. My youngest daughter told me today that I look 45. That I don't look 50. That was so sweet. She is so honest with me at times that it hurts, so for her to tell me this, means it's the truth. Lol. I love my girls. They know it. And I am happy. In all aspects of that word.

It's been 9 months that my heart was broken. I'm ok, for a long while now. My heart has healed and I'm single again. As in I am truly available in my heart, if there were a real love entering my life, I am ready for it. I was like this at one time. Ready for love. When my heart is broken, it needed to heal before I was ready to move on. I healed and I am brand new. I have a clean slate. There is that desiring and believing in the beauty of things that was gone when my heart was broken.

I am seeing a man, but we are not serious. He doesn't want to ever get serious. I am ok with that. So that is why I am in all honesty, open to love. He is a friend, but that is all. I think he is good-looking, a good man, but he is not for me. Why? Because for there to be a relationship, there needs to be a mutual self-giving from both parties. There is friendship on both of our parts. No more. I don't give of myself, and I am ok with that. I continue to look. Another guy likes me, F. But he lives long-distance. I won't do long-distance relationships. It's what hurt my first relationship with G when I was 21. It was too hard on me. I go from there in looking for a good man.

<3

My bipolar has been ok all of these years since at least 2018. I've been stable and on meds that help me. I sleep enough each night, I try to eat well, and I take my meds. At this time, I work a full-time job with little ones in ages of 3-4 years of age. It's Pre-K ages. I am a full-time paraprofessional for almost 2 years now. When I entered the workforce, it was in 2019 and it was so daunting and hard. I'm doing really good now. I won't complain. Lol. I'll treasure these moments of bliss. There is no malice in my heart, only peace and goodwill toward all. Yes, I am very blessed. <3

Things here are very good. I'm so over that God-awful person who came into my life and turned it upside down. What was I thinking even considering someone like him. He is not at all what I want in a man.