It's been a while since I've last shared much on here.

Life's going smoothly. A few bumps on the road, but nothing a girl can't handle. It's all good.

Listening to Tanya Tucker. Not the Honky Tonk songs. The other pretty ones, the ones about love. The ones about a broken heart. Tender-hearted ones. Strong enough to Bend. Love me Like you Used to. I like those.

Wow! Things are good and they are bad at the same time. Kinda like a mixed episode. It's conflicting feelings felt all at the same time. Vulnerability is there.

I am strong. I am human and I care for someone who was in my life more recently. Life is a bit tough at this time, but it's bearable. Go to sleep, wake up, and sort of forget things for a brief moment. Then go on about your business.

I resume college next week. It's a bit scary for me.

Wish me luck!

It came out in an exchange thru text that my sister has (all of these years; she's 49, I'm 47) always believed I was gravely at fault when me and my mom had it out and I finally, for the first time in my life, stood up for myself and I hit her back. She said I was beating my mom. I remember stopping her hand from beating me over and over again, and telling her if she did it again, I'd hit her right back. My sister does not see the event for what it actually was. She sees me as this evil child who was beating a helpless parent. Far from it, my mom was hitting me, slapping me, verbally putting me down any chance she could get. I could only take so much abuse before I snapped and snapped I did. It was self-defense. I want nothing to do with my sister. She can take her faulty logic with her and go to hell, for all I care! Having her in my life is not healthy for me. She has picked a side when there isn't a side to pick, but that only shows the truth of the situation. But she has, so I have too, I've picked me.

I don't need to prove to her how good a person I am, or how my life is so blessed, she doesn't count in my eyes to have any say about me. She will always see me as a bad person because in her eyes, I was a very bad daughter anyway. So, she can go on her merry way and I will live my life for me.

This event happened when I was 18 years old, I am now 47. Many years ago. Her anger and hate showed though that exchange. I have said my goodbyes and blocked her on my phone. And in my life. I am done.

It's been so long since I've last posted on my blog. I almost left posting here for good. The anonymity of PF still feels safe.

There have been enough of not so good expectations in my life. Some days I feel downtrodden, but mostly I bounce back up really fast. I have a full-time job that pays my bills for me at this time. It pays my medical insurance to see my pdoc, therapist, and any other medical needs that I may have. I have a great pharmacy plan that covers ALL my meds, which are many and many name brands meds such as Vraylar, Janumet, Jardiance, Ozempic. Those are the main ones. They are the most expensive, but through mail order, I can get them at very decent prices.

My job entails going in early. I wake up at 4:30 or 5 am each weekday. I get out no later than 1:30pm. I have many holidays off. Federal holidays off and with pay. But I do not make a lot of money. At all.

I am now saving money on a monthly basis to help me with unexpected expenses instead of living from paycheck to paycheck. This is very important and necessary for me to be able to deal with unexpected expenses. I am budgeting very well. I have very little money to move around, but I am very happy in life with this job.

I have a new friend whom I am also in a romantic relationship with him. He is so good to me. I feel so happy with him. He is 51 and I am glad I still see him. I met him in March of 2021, but we didn't date past the first date because I was not yet legally divorced. Now that I am divorced since June 2021, he is back in my life and it feels good that it was him who sought me out. He was and is still interested in me. I am very lucky to have him in my life.

I will soon get my vision checked and get some prescription sunglasses. I have dental insurance through my job. I am indeed blessed. I work for the school district and I have all weekends off, I am never called in past my allotted time that I work, and I have the whole summer off. This summer I will have enough money saved up to only attend college and not worry about working during that time. How lucky can you get! I can go to the beach, I will have to study to do well, and loads of other fun things I can do during my time off. I just had 2 weeks off, paid, from my job too. It took me a while to get where I am at. I had to work for 5 months before I got placed in my permanent position and could get full-time hours and also receive benefits. But it's been so worth it.

I will end here with stating that I am in a great place in my life.

My mood is very good.

I am living this new day with a hopeful heart. What does my life have in store for me?

I have to see the positive. There is so much negative around me. <3

July 31, 2021-Life is good.

July 28, 2021-I made a decision. <3