It's been about three years. I've just read my old entries and I'm glad there was nothing I would feel ashamed about. Maybe I can change that. It's not too late. To cut to the chase every single one of my three siblings no longer communicates with me. My daughter doesn't like me either. Does that indicate I'm some horrible category of a mentally ill person?
Some co-complaints: I am 99% sure I have a neurodegenerative hereditary disease (spinocerebellar ataxia SCA) that causes its sufferer to lose muscle control and eventually die from something like choking because you can't swallow adequately, or your sight degenerates. You develop incontinence where if you feel the slightest urge you've got to reach the bathroom before you make a terrible mess. When you walk, if you're not in a wheelchair yet, you look drunk or literally like a zombie. So no fun. Your speech becomes slurred, which makes you seem drunk even more.
For the "coupe de gras": It's a very rare condition (5 out of 100,000). Most doctors and even neurologists haven't heard of it. There is no treatment, no cure, and no way to halt its progression. My version is obviously hereditary as my older brother insisted on visiting last year and his condition was a total shock. This is helpful to talk about this. But I will continue in installments assuming hopefully, or not, someone besides me is interested. Cheerio.