Lately things have been quite trying on me my T ditched me for not progressing as fast a she wanted so i was aparently i was being uncooperative i had to explain to her that she was askibg me to undo a 15 years on surpressed emotion anger and resentment on comand on a post i made yesterday i likend it to trying to unlock an old rusted lock or trying to push a door marked pull.
The bigest issue is she didnt know what i have locked away all these years and i wish i didnt.
Iwas always told to stay calm not to let it show when im upset and never lash out phisically or verbally so i didnt i held it all in and kept it to myself all through my teens in school taking every insult every beating and never saying a word my mother eventually move my schooling rather than confrount the school and even now at 24 i still stay quiet and take it, i stil dont show my emotions to the outside world only these posts really show any of that.
As dramatic as it sounds im sick of wareing a mask hiding how i really feel but its so deeply engrained i dont really renember how not to hide it.

Im sat at work and just feeling really down i hate comming to work not because i dont want to work because i do but because i always think too much and i have nothing to destract me from thinking and the stuff that goes round my head just digs at me constantly its even getting to my alters Paige asked me today "Whats wrong you always get down at work?" Sara has gone quiet and Tom just wants ti hurt my boss i mean he is the main reason i hate being here but at the end of the day i have to be here i cant let my girlfriend down and if im not here earning money i feel like i have.

So I’m out and have the freedom to do as I want and all I want is to listen to music and sing, I have no idea why I’m in such a good mood today but nothing seems to bother me its odd normally I worry about things but today I’m worry free and cant stop smiling I only wish I could make all of you feel this way too.
Three days till Christmas I cant wait I love this time of year the snow (don’t like the cold but I like snow go figure lol) wrapping prezzies ect. I always wish everyone a marry Christmas theres nothing like decorating a tree and placing gifts below it and seeing peoples eyes light up when they open them.

MARRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Paige XxX

over the last week or so ive been switching more often and for longer and i'm starting to not remember it i'm starting to worry i've been heading alot to try to find out why and i've found a few places saying about some cases of DID were an alter becomes the prim personality i'm worried this could be happening and i dont know what to do.

i have spoken with Paige about it and she has noticed it too but has no idea why its happening but for now we're just taking it as it happens until we can see our T in the new year.
pleas if you can help let us know.

I had a black out yesterday and when i came to i found a new MS paint doc named myself when i opened it it was a line art i'm assuming it was Paige who did it its not finished but with Paige's permition i will see if i am able to upload it