So the first of 2010 I dealt with the grief and loss of my parents, it was difficult and I started meditation and found support in forums like these, even on facebook. It seems writing about this helps me. But after a year went by I stopped seeing my therapist, started drinking, over eating and now shoplifting! a complete self sabotage trip, I still take my medications (Xanax, and Celexa) but have not been able to go back to therapy. I was doing so good, I had a good feeling about my place in life and had a good job, but I just de-railed, and I don't know what triggered this 'poor me' thing. When I look at all the troubles in the world I know I'm blessed. When I'm in with my therapist I feel a bit whiny, like my problems are trivial and who cares anyway...so I don't know what will get me out of this self sabotage, self loathing, not caring attitude. I have an appointment next month, I think maybe I should change therapists and come clean about the money stuff...IDK. thanks for reading

I had posted the continuing story but is disappeared. I'll have to re-think it and write again later, thanks for reading

I'm not sure where to post this, I am 46 years old happily married, mother of one 6yo girl. I have been in therapy since May 2009. I started therapy because I was(only child) the primary caregiver to my elderly parents who were divorced and living indepedently. And I was using My mom's money to feed a shopping addiction, and I was terrified to the point of anxiety attacks of getting prosecuted. I was never able to share the spending with my therapist. I was able to talk about the caregiver stress, and emotional abuse my mom put upon me. She was very ill, both mentally and physically. My therapidt advised me to take myself out of the mom sitation, hoping she would that start to manage her own life and seek out her needed care, it helped a bit although she was still delusional (another story) It was a relief to not to have to care for her. My dad died in Oct, he had fallen in the night and had a head trauma, we were very close and this was very painful. (guilt issues) my mom would leave voicemails, that is was my fault and she would be next due to neglect.She did not attend my father's funeral. (sorry there is know way to shorten this story)
She had signed a contract and was buying furniture to move herself to an assisted living facility, so turns out the therapist was right about her fending for herself. I lifted the 'ban' on my mother fro Christmas and paid her a short visit. Christmas night I was at a party with my family and mom began calling because she needed pain meds, demanding that I get her some and deliver them to her asap! because I had been drinking the flood gate burst open we had a huge fight on the phone. That was the last time I talked to her personally. She suffered a stroke, after leaving me a voicemail saying that I was a terrible daughter to "speak to her that way on Christmas" When she wouldn't pick up the phone, I sent my husband over the day after Christmas, he found her barely alive and she died at the hospital the next morning.