9am Woke up after a crappy night's sleep (see previous entry). Feel melancholy. Texted mum.

11.45 Have spent the past two hours researching ghosting, chatting to friends (including a female friend I bumped into last night who has the potential to be a good friend), and guzzling green tea. Not sure which of the aforementioned is responsible for this, but I feel a lot less melancholy.

12.00 Bummer. A bloke I have a wee crush on has just altered his relationship status on facebook to "in a relationship" with some blonde chick. Meh. (He was like, 10 years younger than me, but whatevs!) They look like a good match. #AmIBothered.

1.00pm Ex husband dropped the kids off and I've been playing Lego with them for an hour. I feel good, competent even...but... they have asked when they will be seeing [Russian's daughter] and were very dissapointed when told they wouldn't see her today. I've had to say that she's "on holiday in Russia". Poor kids. Told my ex husband that I'd split up with Russian and he was pissed.

1.30pm: My daughter just asked "Is she really in Russia?" (She's onto me!) Just had visions of phoning Russian. Must resist. Must stay distracted. Am starting to clean the house top to bottom.

2.30pm: Was going to make this a fast day but decided not to bother as I don't want to snap at the kids; so I've just had 300cals of Weight Watchers goodness. Still having thoughts of phoning Russian.

3.00pm My daughter just asked when she can see his daughter again. Oh darn. Fobbed her off.

4.00pm Took kiddos to the park. Met up with aforementioned female friend. Caught some pokemon. Nice time.

7.00pm Put kiddos to bed. Sat alone in my room missing Russian, wondering what he's upto in Russia, Wondering if he's thinking about me, realising that he's bloody not. Ordered ice cream, cheeseburger, chips, cheesecake and chocolate cake.

9.30 Watching crap on youtube in bed. Missssssssssss him.

12am: Lying awake, thinking of the baby we almost had but I aborted. Thinking about what could have been. Heart heavy.