Well, my trip abroad was a fiasco, to put it kindly. There was no structure to mealtimes, and I always find I eat more when people around me are eating and snacking all through the day. I think the worst thing was that because our schedule was so busy, we'd end up only going out for dinner at 9, getting our food at 10, and then we'd be expected to be ready to party in skimpy dresses by 11. I hate going out on a full stomach.
I was sharing a room with three other stick-thin, gorgeous girls. You know you've got a problem when you're staring at your own friend's bodies with suck jealousy. I don't even know anymore if I am as thin as them and just can't see it, or if I really am fatter. And the idea of being fatter is just horrible.

Anyway, a fresh start is what I had planned for today. Had a good breakfast when I woke up (baby steps, right?) I now have to get a move on unpacking, sorting out my disaster of a bedroom, and (god forbid) studying for the exams I have coming up. Exam time is always the worst time for me. Sitting stationary at my computer for extended periods of time, frankly is just asking for trouble.
I have to stop making excuses. I have to stop. It makes relapse far too easy. I mean, other people can manage, right? Saying 'oh, I have exams', or 'it's easter/christmas/birthday/holiday time/basically any other thing I can think of...it's just yet another way of lying to myself. And the thing is, my counsellor and dietician usually agree with me, saying things like, 'don't expect it to be easy over the next few weeks because of (whatever)'. I know they're trying to make me feel better about any mistakes but honestly, that really doesn't help me.
Ok I'm going to start tidying my room. And will really try to stay out of the kitchen today.
Sunflower x