Recently for the past few days, I just, felt like letting everything go. I find myself reminiscing more and more about the my past. The good ole days when I was normal, when I enjoyed things, when I had a normal range of emotion. Feels strange to do that. I like those days. I know if I died I won't really be remembered so much, I haven't really made an impact. For my funeral I would just like pretty much two things. 1) To play one of my favorite songs "Disorder' by Joy division and maybe another song. And 2) I don't want anyone making a speech talking about me. If they feel compelled to speak for some reason, I prefer them to talk about the good and the bad equally, that I have done. I'm just tired going to a funeral and the person speaking there, would then tell the audience what good the deceased has done and praise him/her for it. As far as I''m concerned everything you wanted to tell me, you could have told me while I was alive.

I feel at peace and happy when I think about my young childhood, me being 6 or 7 years old imagining myself running around the yard, just having fun. My mother and I taking trips to the movies and going to some restaurant after. Or going to some fair that might be in the area.....I miss those days....truly I really do. ("The world isn't fair, the people we really need and love, just seem to disappear."-Strange Collage Guy)

I feel at peace, and relieved in a way, when I look at the flowing trees in the wind, and then look into that ever blue sky on a clear sunny day, and just close my eyes, the rays reflecting off my eyelids and lose myself in its essence and peacefulness about them. I think most people don't pay attention to these things at all or at least not enough.The sunlight.... those beautiful trees.... so peaceful.

Sometimes I feel tired it comes and goes, not physically tired, but a type of tired that's deep inside that needs a long deserved rest. A long peaceful rest.