Alright, here's the deal. The depression portion of my Bipolar Disorder basically had a ceiling but no floor. I'm not manic anymore but I can still plummet into an incapacitating depression. It's been medication-resistant for some time now, so I've been exploring other forms of treatment. I seriously considered ECT, but I'm not a good candidate because I have a history of seizures. Then, my dad and I stumbled on TMS. Essentially, TMS uses magnets to stimulate the nerves in the brain that are responsible for emotional regulation. You sit in what looks like a dentist chair, and they have to strap your head down. The first session lasts a couple hours so as to figure out a patient's motor threshold. The doctor would send one or two taps through my brain, and the goal was to get my thumb to twitch, and only my thumb. I held up my hand as if I were a hitchhiker for about 30 minutes. They were finally able to isolate the movement to just my index finger and thumb. Dr. W. told me that if my hand starts shaking during the session to call for him. (There was a nurse practitioner in the room the entire time.) Each treatment session lasts 38 minutes, and it sounds and feels as if there is a woodpecker attacking my head. It'll be a few seconds on and a few seconds off for the entire 38 minutes. The only truly annoying side effect is a headache, which I can live with. The other, less annoying side effect is that it could send me into mania. Frankly, I wouldn't mind being manic for awhile. It would be a welcome change of pace. This magnet treatment five days a week for six weeks. So far, the results have been pretty good in other patients. I'm 31 years old--I don't think I can make it another 31 years living like this. This HAS to work!

The biggest bitch of it all: My insurance (which is quite good) will cover this for Major Depressive Disorder but not Bipolar Depression. What the hell is this sh*t? Unbelievable. I'll do my best to post an update after every session. It's going to be a very, very interesting six weeks.

Good luck, Faye, fingers crossed!

Any chance the doctors could "expand" your Dx? Treatment resistant seems pretty Major to me. Even if there is Bipolar too. [I'm not a doctor, I don't know if this is at all reasonable.]

Ada,

That's a damn good idea! I see my primary psychiatrist on Wednesday, I don't see why he couldn't just add the MDD diagnosis to the Bipolar business. Honestly, I've been more on the depressed side anyway throughout the course of my illness. It's as if I have a ceiling but no floor. My psychiatrist has a good cap on the mania but I can plummet into depression like no other. Thank you for the idea! XO