I've ben diagnosed with Bipolar I and Borderline Personality Disorder. I don't know if it's the symptoms of these illnesses or the fact that I just suck at life, but my life is a disaster. I have a degree from of one of the top universities in the United States, I have a huge heart, and I'm usually the prettiest girl in the room by a landslide. For some reason, I often fight the urge to end my life and I have this knack for making the WORST possible choices. My boyfriend (who is on the verge of dumping my sorry ass) recommended that I find an online forum, so now I'm here. I like that I can finally be around my own, even it if's only over the internet. I feel like I can talk about all the twisted crap that goes through my head and my heart and not be judged. God knows I need the emotional outlet. I have way too many feelings for my own good. I take everything personally and I blow everything way the ###$ out of proportion. I've never dumped a guy in my life. They always end up leaving me because I'm too crazy, and I can't blame them. I'm on Wellbutrin, Klonopin, Trileptal, and Naltrexone. I feel like the medication just eliminates one type of hell and puts me into other. It's no way to live. I hope I can gain some hope from the others that are one here, because I honestly don't want to die. I just can't live like this.