I can't actually remember the last time I sat face to face with another person and spoke. I mean like really spoke, not chitchat or small talk, but an actual dialogue about things that matter. With questions and answers that are truthful and genuine inquiries rather than questions closed and imprisoning so you say what they want to hear, or answers such as "fine".
"Fine". I love that word. It's the biggest lie ever. Noone who says they are fine, are actually fine, that is to say "ok". Someone once told me that "fine" would be a perfect response for me... "F.I.N.E. - f##ked up, insecure, neurotic and emotionally unstable". Like anyone has the balls to actually answer that frankly. I'll stick to the acronym thanks.

How pathetic is it that the most dialogue I have in any given day, week or month is with myself? I'm starting to think that I'm posting because of this. That way it feels like I'm talking to someone else. But I'm not. It's rare anyone has a real dialogue on these forums. Alternative sites that could venue my procrastination from myself seem just as vacant.

The doctors and therapists to whom they try and direct me are just as vacant.

I've never felt so alone. And even moreso that I'm back under the judgemental eyes of these quacks again. Don't see what good it is to keep me here... They patched me up ok. They know as well as I do that I'll do it again. Maybe next time I'll wrote DNR on my forehead before I try it