Ok so maybe I am having one of those paranoid days when i think the world is against me but in all seriousness I think that in the same way that long term patients, or soliders become institutionialised; that we all to a degree are conditioned to hurt ourselves.

Maybe not in some exterme house elf - esc way but we are as humans a glutton for punishment. Curiosity kills cats, and humans well we kill and harm ourselves. We absorb the BS on a daily basis from friends, family, partners, media hell even the government that we have done this wrong and that wrong and we're to blame for this and the other. And as human beings (especially British Human Beings) we feel guilty. We are then inbuilt with a sense of justice. To rectify the wrong. Why else would so called "civilised" society have the law of Tort?

You add these social factors to someone of a catholic upbringing, and you add more gulit. Even a non-believer who has had that backgroundpicks up the ethos of guilt from the RC church; and it amplifies around your mind.

Add both of these factors to someone like myself, with a background involving a father who justifed abuse as some sick fomr of a. "right as a father" and b. a "righting" of a wrong apparently commited by me (something as simple as getting my jeans muddy); and what do you get?

For a start a f*** up granted. But in many ways; someone who is predestined to be dpressed, feel guilty and express that in forms of pysically punishment against themselves.

It's not even a choice any more; it feel like my nature, and my purpose to hurt