Recently, there was a Pyschforum topic on the Schizoid Personality Disorder page about “The Fine Art of Small Talk” and while I will not argue that some schizoids may lament about their inability to make “small talk” however as a Non-Suffering Schizoid it is imperative that I say that I avoid “small talk” on all occasions where it is not necessary. Why? Because as a Non-Suffering Schizoid I am not interested in developing any kind of relationship that intrudes upon my “space” be it physical or psychological! So what to speak of purposely initiating and encouraging these albeit….temporary…..but nevertheless superficial, false, and manipulating “small talks” that most people engage in for some kind of potential socioeconomic payoff?

Frankly, as a “Non-suffering Schizoid”….which by the way…. means that I do not consider myself to be "suffering" just because I have 99% of the traits associated with the “Schizoid” as a personality “disorder”. I do not want to change! Why? Because I am not “suffering” from being the way that I am! Quite the contrary….I like my Schizoid personality traits and do not want to change them at all. Perhaps my family and the other people who would have liked to have changed me over the years....have “suffered” because they wished I were different! Nevertheless, since I am strong and brave enough to accept and like myself I have not allowed them to make me feel guilty or “damaged” in any way! Different is not synonymous with damaged!

Furthermore, I do not consider myself to be “suffering” from the Schizoid Personality Disorder as many professional therapists seem to want to make me and other schizoids believe ….even to the point of trying to make us feel guilty….. when we say we are not "suffering" and do not feel guilty about it! LOL Incredible! Trying to “psyche me out” because I do not want to change, feel no need for expensive so-called therapy, and just want to be left alone and not be hammered about being and behaving differently! Besides…....as far as I know being “schizoid” has not yet been classified as a crime!

In any case…back to why as a Non-Suffering Schizoid…..I avoid “small talk”! Well, it is certainly not because I cannot do it! Yes……I can be witty, charming, and engaging for 10, 20, 30 minutes or even much longer with a complete stranger if the occasion warrants it and ESPECIALLY if I know that I will probably never see that person again. Consequently, I avoid “small talk” in places where I shop frequently so that I do not have to talk to the shop owner or the salesclerks about absolutely nothing every time I set foot in the place. I train people to leave me alone if they want my business. They know that I am a loyal customer who does not willingly engage in “small talk”. I am an excellent customer….I come in, get the products I want, pay and smile as I leave! The smile is ….because no one is busting my balls with useless conversation!

Another reason why I avoid “small talk” is because it is a like a game to me….and since I am good at it….. People think they like me …. and always want to hook up and talk more! They think, oooh, she is interested in the same things that I am, she is articulate, she seems to be such a nice person….it would be fun to get to know her better. Then the ball drops……they ask for my email address or my cell phone number! I immediately feel an obligation closing in on me! I am already starting to feel smothered! Dilemma! Why? Because the actual situation is that while it was kind of fun and a time-killer to just talk …..in reality I have no intention of becoming their friend or even an acquaintance. I am not really interested in them per se....actually they were just...."there"...at that moment in time. But for me.....that moment....that time.....that "bubble" has already burst! Frankly, if I never saw them again …it would be too soon!

So …as a non-suffering Schizoid……who really likes herself and her solitary lifestyle……I have learned to just tell the truth! I tell them that it was nice talking to them but actually I have said just about everything that I want to say and that they probably have too. I tell them I treasure and protect my solitude and that is just the way I am. I explain briefly that if I gave them my number and they called me it would be useless because I never answer my phone to just sit and “chat”. Of course, when I say this most people are in shock for a few seconds and then they say “Wow….okay, if that is how you feel. Sorry, I asked!”… I respond: “No apologies necessary! Most people are looking for friends or a date… …I am not! So I think it is best to be honest!”

Guess what! The last time I told a guy this he told me that he admired and respected me for being so truthful! He said that he was tired of so many people who give their phone number or email address already knowing that they have no real interest in being or staying connected ….but who are either afraid or do not know how to say no…..which sets up the other person for disappointment, frustration, and anger when their calls or emails are not returned.

In conclusion, as a Non-Suffering Schizoid ….I say in regards to “small talk”: Speech is silver….but silence is definitely GOLDEN!