I was talking to my step dad about moving and I told him I'm pretty indifferent about most people if you my sister or my mother died, I'd feel sad but I'd be able to live and go on with my life (I'm not saying I wish that upon them, I was just going to the extreme to show how indifferent I tend to be,. My grandmother died last year and I was the only one who wasn't crying and I was joking about her a couple days after she died). When he asked me about moving I told him that I'm still in-between on staying and moving and when I said that he said, "I don't know I feel like I've raised you 99% of your life and I feel like I messed up". I've never been particularly close with him every conversation I have is akward and unatural he has a short temper and cares way to much about small things. Whenever he would get home from work there was always this tiny bit of anxiety that I would get because of his temper and anal cleanliness, I will admit I'm not the cleanist person but I don't leave dishes lying around. I'm so close to just leaving and going to my dad's without explanation. My mother tells me my sister needs me and both my sister and stepdad get into arguments. Should I be an asshole and leave or should I go. I wish somebody could give me an answer but nobody knows me personally and even then everybody has there own values so I'd still have to figure it out myself. I'm so close to just being an asshole and leave, but I know that if I was in my sister's position I'd probably want my sibling there with me. I'm so conflicted. This is hard on me but I'm sure this is harder in my 13 year old sister, but I really don't want to move out of state with him, I like being close to my paternal family, I just don't like the fact that he thinks he's entitled to my presence

I don't know the exact details of the situation but my stepdad was talking to a therapist and (from the argument that happened thereafter) I think he eluded to the current situation going on here at home and of course a therapist is a mandated reporter so she may of alerted cps (again didn't here the conversation so I don't know the details). My stepdad brought me and my sister into another room and said that cps might come to the house. But he also said that we take care of you guys we feed you other than this year there's minimal arguing and we buy you what you guys want,. He then looked at me and said I know you think we're the worst parents out there (which I don't) and that you overegzaterate things (which I never have I asked them both to name a time we're I was being hyperbolic and neither of them could). It really angers me that they don't trust me and that they had to tell us how good of parents they are, if there so great then they should just trust us and let events play out naturally (like I said there fine there perfectly normal parents, I just don't understand where they got this idea that I think there the worst people imaginable or that I'm going to say something that's going to get my sister taken away, I don't even plan on speaking to them)

I've been talking to my step dad about moving and he is telling me to do what is best for me but he also keeps telling me that my sister really needs me and wants me to move. It's like he's telling me that you can do what you want but if you stay you being very ungrateful, but he's being very passive agressive while saying it. He is right about a few things though, my dad probably couldn't pay for my schooling, financially it would probably be best to move with him it's not like I couldn't see my family here at home but the problem is that I don't want to move out of state. I don't know what to do should I stay home and struggle a little bit or should I move with him because it's the more financially sound disission it's not like I don't have family here who can't help me but my dad isn't as financially stable as my step dad is. He's not struggling at all but he makes less than my step dad. I tended to be with my mom and step dad more often for school and cat reasons for the past couple years. And than there's my sister who according to my parents needs me. I dislike that they all need me for emotional support I wish I could live on my own and forget about all of them. Tuff disission suck.

My mother cheated on my step-dad with one of my sister's friends who is a minor so she's most likely going to prison. My step-dads been in my life for 17 of my 18 years on this planet so practically my entire life. My step-dad wants to move and I don't want to go with him I'd much rather live at my dad's, I'm hesitant however because I want to guarantee that I can have my cats with me (I don't know if where my dad lives is pet-friendly or not). My main focus right now is to become as self-sufficient as I can be in a quick amount of time. I know I would be an asshole if I didn't move with my step-dad but to be honest as much as I love him I absolutely would not I'd rather make my self more financially insecure (it probably wouldn't be that big of a hit) than live with him. If I can't get the cats to go with me than I'll just make do with him. He's already emotionally distraught and I know that he would absolutely hate it if I, along with the cats moved out. Like I said I know I'm an asshole and that I'm purely looking out for myself but I just don't want to live with him. It's not like I wouldn't keep in contact or visit him I just don't want to live with him.

I've been posting a lot on this site, but I see it as a form of catharsis I don't really care if it's coherent or not.

You know what I hate the most about all this, it's the fact that I can't enjoy things I used to enjoy anymore I don't enjoy masterbating to women, yet I can enjoy masterbating to men. It's one thing to be attracted to men it's another thing to lose my previous desires. And I hate all of it. It feels like losing an arm you can do so much with said arm and you take it for granted, you don't even think about it, than one day you lose it as part of an accident and you realize what it's like to not have that arm and now you're bared through no fault of you own from doing things that you used to enjoy like playing video games driving a car cooking, and now because.of that accident you can't do those things and if you can it's extremely hard(remember I have I tiny attraction to some women Still) and now all you're left with is the memory of those times.

And that's practically all it is, a memory that I can't let go and that I fear letting go of.