Stories can be told about anything and everything, the story today is about soap, not just any soap but dish soap.

Yes we all know what we use it for in our daily life but that its actually going to be centre of a conflict is maybe not so common?

I was talking to my mother some years ago when i think she asked me about my money situation. I told her that it was scars but that i managed. Then she told me about when she lived in another flat at the beginning of hers and my stepfathers marriage, and how she had to pawn bottles to afford to buy dish soap.

There were many things that annoyed me with that conversation(like with all conversations i have had with my mother). First of all it was because every time i complain about something my mother always tells me a story from her own life that has similarities to mine, she can`t stand to not be in the middle.

The next is that when she told it she talked as if i wasn`t there, as if i was a colleague or a friend who was just listening to a story.


With those two reasons you can see that she wasn`t really recognizing the situation she was in, she was very distant, and nothing like a mother.


So sometimes a talk about something as trivial as a soup can prove major problems in a relationship.

I used to know this married couple many years ago, he was a psychologist, she was a doctor.

They had some age different.

She was into sex more then he was so she was "unfaitful" behind his back. He knew about it but "said" she could do it as long as he didn`t have to know about it.

I thought that was a really strange relationship and i felt uncomfortable standing in the middle as she would tell me about her rendez-vous when i wasn`t sure if her husband knew about it?

The husband admitted to me that he had some sexual problems, and the wife also admitted some personal problems when i was on a holiday with her...

One day all three of us sat in her husbands car and he said something about her not doing something right in front of him, like it was ok as long as he didn`t see "it".

They were both smart people, him being a psychologist i assumed he was talking about her affairs, and that was their way to solve a marriage problem.

If your house is in full flames engulfed by the fire, then a little bucket of water isn`t going to be enough.

I "talked" to a psychologist student in a forum, it was so good to meet someone in that branch who got deep psychology. My impression is that a lot of psychologist students are people who want to study about the mind, and people who want a higher education so they can get more money. Also the idea of understanding behaviour is also something that interests a lot of younger people.

Also i think that some of the people who chose that study are people who maybe really wanted to be doctors but didn`t like the sight of blood?

Some people who study psychology have been thru bad things themselves and therefore uses the study not only to help others but also themselves.

I don`t see anything bad in studying psychology but i see a lot of contrasts between the professionals.

Some do everything after the book and some are professionals.

My stepfather is a celebrity in some way in Norway.
He is not a celebrity like a movie star or singer but in a different field, and he is hard to ignore/escape.

Some years ago i was in a florist course where i met a woman who was the sister of another celebrity.
Her brother has many merits on his list, he was in many fields, acting and in the same field as my stepfather.

Because of that i shunned her a bit which she noticed but didn`t understand. We didn`t confirm this knowledge between our relatives, and they didn`t know each other privately.

Yet they had been working in the similar field, so this was the only similarity they had.

Because of my hard time with the family i tried to avoid anyone who reminded me of my stepfather.

I didn`t ignore her, just a subtle avoidance which i much later realized the real reason for.

Since she was a recovered drug abuser, and a social person she took it bad, and responded by ignoring me.

I didn`t really ignore her, i was just not totally there for her. Holding back a little bit can have devastating results when the person you are holding "it" back from is someone who is used to being the centre of everybody`s attention(she was a model).

So it depends who you shun, when you shun and how you shun. I think my shunning was of the acceptable type because we went to course together and had other things to think about besides being best buddies all the time, but clearly she wasn`t just there to show off flowers...

so...

Well i am having fun with words today.."leying" is my take on two words stuck together.
One is "lying" the other one is "leaning"

Because that is what i think people do when they lie or at least when they lie about something for long, like as if they expect the lie to become true if they just believe in it enough?


Lying can be provocative, sneaky and down right filthy.

Some people lie because it fills a void of dumbness inside of them like my mother.

My mum became pregnant too early and said so to me when i asked why she got divorced from my father.
Then later she changed the statement and said she had been raped.

Sometimes we lie to protect ourselves and we deliberately say that somebody else did it.

When you have a deep relationship to somebody like i have to my mother, that can be a very difficult thing to handle because she uses emotional blackmail on me so that i believe her.


As i said lying is a lot like leaning onto something, unfortunately not everything is built to last. I don`t believe my mother when she says that she has been raped, because there was so much going on for the both of them at that time and i think she was naive.

She followed him(my father) into a tent and then he lied on top of her, that is the only thing she has told me. In fact she used subliminal messages to tell me that it was him...she wouldn`t say WHO had raped her when i asked, but mumbled something about him playing soccer professionally and that she didn`t want to see him on the television!?

Right! Not once have i heard her say "change the channel".

My father played soccer...hmm there are other things here that are too complicated to explain but she has been very cold towards me and my siblings ever since the divorce.


So again she lies.

She lies because she has the illusion that its ok to do so, she lies because she wants to show my stepfather that she had a good enough reason to leave him, she lies because he took her by surprise and there has always been a silent war between the sexes, she lies because he grabbed her without her understanding what "a grab" really was, she lies because her father was in love with her cousin when he was younger and therefore i believe that he wasn`t really there for her regarding sexual thoughts/sexual wonders as she was growing up.

So many things has been hidden in my family that takes time to uncover. Apparently we have a "real" rapist in our family who were a part of a scandal so many years ago, when he was accused of raping a woman and thus making her into a slut/whore. This was back in 1800century.

But still fresh in the minds of my grandfathers family.

My mother had 2 more children(total of 3) with the man she said was a rapist.

The point is they were both only 17 years old.


I have no memories of him having done anything bad to my mother, neither has my older siblings.

The reason she left him was because my stepfather got very excited when he saw my mother because she had such a lovely eyes and was so beautiful.

And probably for many other emotional reasons...(failed earlier marriage, left his home country to study in our country, needed the company etc..).

So my mum couldn`t say "no" again.