I had my fifth session with my new psychiatrist yesterday, Dr.T. I'm still getting used to him, trying to get comfortable in his presence, & also his office which is very small & intimate, something I'm not quite used to. This session I was better with my nerves. Although I had taken a small dose of Xanax, my anxiety was much better than previously.

I wouldn't say that we had a solid conversation, because I was frustrated by some things on my mind, so it was difficult for the doctor to kinda steer me into the conversation he wanted to have. I started the conversation by trying to make it clear to him that I'm not as emotionally unstable as he thinks I am. I explained about my past therapist & how unprofessional, inappropriate & unknowledgeable he was. I explained that my therapist's diagnosis of Borderline wasn't accurate, because he was simply looking for a controversial & interesting diagnosis for me, to make his job more interesting. I convinced my doctor of that by informing him that my past therapist had also diagnosed me pre-schizophrenia, anorexia, Narcissistic PD & even hinted at Dissociative Identity, all of these, during one point or another during our two year therapy. Let's all give a collective "WTF?" - while my doctor raises his eyebrows & FINALLY my point has been made.

You know what my doctor "did" agree with me about, finally? That I have Avoidant PD. My past therapist didn't acknowledge it because it's not an interesting disorder. Having a patient that just cowers in fear & has no social experience definitely is not interesting, but a mix of Borderline & Schizophrenic? That's interesting. So yes, Dr. T, finally believed me about what I truly am: a bipolar Avoidant. Collective sigh, please...

We also discussed my confusion as a child. The fact that during the *edit*, I didn't know what to think. As a 6 year old, I knew that something was off when it was happening but I wasn't sure what. & I was confused because *edit* was so nice. This confusion has lasted my whole life. & Of course, my doctor mentioned that perhaps I held a lot of shame, because later in life, while *edit* was still occurring, I "knew" what was happening & yet still failed to do anything about it. I was silent & probably in denial, not wanting to acknowledge what was happening in front of my eyes.

We didn't achieve too far into this type of conversation, like I said, our session was just all over the place, partly my fault, lol..

Our next session is May 11th.

- EGD.