Since he's a psychoanalyst, I know that he keeps saying the opposite of whatever I'm saying, because he bases his whole theory on denial and unconscious thoughts. I thought this therapy would be good for me, but I find I'm getting extremely frustrated with not feeling "heard". I don't want a therapist that completely states that I'm in denial. It's hurtful and he's misunderstanding. I don't deny that my isolation is a defense, I am certainly AvPD, but it's also concretely true that I feel content right now. I want him to believe that. But my anxious and defensive demeanor makes it seem as though I'm not and that makes me frustrated with myself.
When I mentioned that I felt rejected by people in the past - he focused on it and tried to make explanations about why they rejected me. Saying it was because of my young age. That hurt even more. I know that I was young at the time, but I also know that the major problem was my lack of socialization skills. At that time, I was so focused on attempting to be social that I failed to recognize the signs and cues of the other people, and so, it was only until they blatantly rejected me that I "got the hint". I know all this, but he just focused on my age. Alright - who cares - he obviously misunderstood the situation yet again. But that's not the problem. The fact that he brought up and tried to rationalize it dug up all the horrible memories that I just want to forget, I woke up today with a huge knot in my stomach and as I write this I feel as though I might cry. Remembering those people who rejected me has nothing to do with me getting better, it's in the past, it's over, I don't need to revisit those situations. But he brought up it anyway and now I have to struggle to forget them again. I feel as though I might print out this blog entry for the session next month, because I NEED him to understand better.
He keeps saying that he is there to help me understand myself better and get to know myself. I know I don't come across that articulated in the session due to anxiety, but I'm gonna say it right now, I know myself better than him or anyone. I have contemplated about my thoughts and actions for all these years. I've seen this guy only 8 times, HE is the one that doesn't know me at all and he needs to start to realize that.
Now that this is written down, I'm gonna move on from this and forget what was said in that session as it was not helpful and just made me feel worse and misunderstood.

- EGD.