Today you called my love obsession, and maybe it is…
An irrational attachment that imprinted upon you with
a wealth of hopes, desires, fears and wants that drive
a mind to distraction and a hurt to destruction.
I feel the humiliation of that recognition, and the guilt of it’s impulsive acts that blazed a trail of hurt straight to your heart.

Sorry is not good enough, yet I still want to say it
You are sad and struggling and hurting, and I wish I could help, but I realize you don’t want me to
because I am part of the problem that caused the pain,
and my sorry has worn a hole through your patience,
as my insecure delusions have tainted my thinking.

I have no right to hurt you, no right to talk to you as I do, I am nothing to you really, but a painful reminder of a terrible time.
And I want to say sorry, and show you how much I mean it, but you have long since not cared or believed it.
And all that is left is the painful knowledge and horror that the kindest gift I can give you is the absence of my presence.
And thinking about that fills me with sadness, and angst, as once again I ruined everything…. and I hate myself for it.

You probably don’t want to hear from me, but I wanted to offer this up nonetheless. I do care and I do feel remorse, as surprising as that may seem for you. This is not who I wish nor strive to be, nor how I wish to treat or love someone. Not in the least, and not least of which you who I have a great deal of care and attachment for…. with a great deal of regret.

I’m sorry, and thank you for opening up to me, it makes me a better person to hear your anger. I welcome it.

You keep me impotent
to act on my desire for you
to find out more about you
to know where I stand with you

You keep me distant
to fuel my want of you
to spark my suspicions of you
to doubt what I mean to you

You keep me mute
to silence my voice
to stop my questions
to stir my insecurity

And with each day, each ticking second
my rage is rumbling,
like a volatile volcano
whose pressure is building

Till finally all this impotent rage
will spew up from the depths
of my wounded heart
a reign of vitriolic jealous hate

My love turned upside down
my impotence a raging ejection
shredding your carefully constructed containment
a force of nature needing acknowledgement

irrational, emotional
insecure, jealous
crazy bitch, psycho girlfriend
Exactly what you made me.

Constant are my thoughts of you
Swirling my brain like a toxic soup
leaving my body craving your touch
the constant ache is just too much

I love you but I hate you too
the moment you are gone from view
how dare you leave me in this state
A second is too much to wait

And so I stalk you like a cat
certain that you won't be back
you've taken what you need and gone
your plan I'm certain all along

And you undaunted by my plight
I don't exist when out of sight
And I'm convinced that this is true
My mad tormenting thoughts of you

And like a spider in a web
you've wound me up in tiny threads
Which means that I can never leave
this addictive wicked web you weaved

And I'm the crazy one you say
But your twisted love made me this way
The trauma bond you bound so strong
Destroys my soul now you are gone