Ashe (Host)

It's been a rough couple of weeks. Introspection is hard anyway, but harder still when there are hard truths about yourself and your life that you aren't sure you are ready to face. It is amazing to me that out of 5 different therapists and almost 30 years worth of familial relationships and friendships, it was tiktok that has helped me more than anything.

Let me explain. I recently had a memory of one of our alters therapy sessions as a teenager. It was triggered by a neurodivergent tiktok that appeared on one of our accounts. The previous host (let's call her Pheonix because she hasn't chosen a name separate of the body yet and Raven really likes the name for her) brought up to the therapist at the time, that she thought we were autistic. She had done some research (albeit limited information existed at the time). The therapist ignored her, and labelled her Bipolor because she made the mistake of saying she had good days and bad days. This therapist did a lot of damage to our relationship with our stepdad.

With this realization, I have taken the Raads-r test and all the suggested quizzes that go with it and scored very heavily on the You have a strong possibility of having autism. My Raads-r was 159 (if I remember right) More so, it makes a lot of the things I got in trouble for in the past make sense.

One of the first things I decided to do, was I stopped suppressing my stims. Having said that, I have found out that too much stimming triggers another alter to come forward, and I have no idea who it is or if it is different ones. It feels like a little and gives the same energy as Giggles, but the emotion hits so hard and fast I don't have time to ask. Then it's gone. A lot to learn. A lot to process.