I have not been here for some time and I really feel that I need to express a few things.. It can be tough dealing with things... I have a father who has a wide array of issues medically he suffers with diabetes, a plate in his right wrist and also he has a bad shoulder as well as issues with his knees. Add to these the underlying mental issues that he does not in fact acknowledge and it can be like living beside a ticking bomb - never knowing when it will go off.

Add to this issues with a mother who has become lazy and uses a current medical issue to further pull back from doing things. I honestly believe her issue is more than that as she has had 2 bouts of cancer in the last couple years and these have had a massive mental toll on her. However with all this she still has failed to quit smoking and I think some days she tends to smoke even more than normal.

I also have a sister who has medical issues and an inane inability to manage her finances, there have been multiple times where family members have in fact had to financially bail her out. Much of this I believe is caused by the inability of both parents to also save. They for years wasted their money on alcohol and cigarettes but of course they did also provide us with food and looked after us to a certain degree.

By the age of 21 I had to financially assist my own parents because they had failed to make savings or plan for any long term future this of course has placed additional pressures on me and caused me to have to continually sacrifice many things. They fail to understand and comprehend the life I have been left with for their focus has always remained on themselves... I do wish that things could be different however I have been dealt my cards and I need to play with the hand I have got. Lately I have been playing 'Poker" and tending to bluff my way around things but of course the problem is that my life has become so twisted and lost and I am in need of more direction and focus.