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- March 2018
some half formed thoughts..
   Thu Mar 22, 2018 7:16 pm

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Rough night..

Permanent Linkby seabreezeblue on Sat Sep 06, 2014 9:44 am

Note to self; there is nothing quite as weird and disconcerting in the morning than being dragged out of a nightmare by the phone ringing because the person from your nightmare is phoning you :shock:

Urghh.. I seem to find it really difficult to pull myself up properly into consciousness in the mornings..

I was having a really bad dream and I'd just said something to someone that devastated them.. I saw the look on her face and felt instantly awful.. I really wished that i had never said what i'd said and then tried to apologise to her.. to comfort her..
I just wanted to take it back.. but i couldn't because it was done :cry:

But; i needed to tell her because if i didn't, then there would have always been a wall between us.. a void that i can't fill and i can't cross without hurting her in the process..
But, is it worth hurting her in the hope that the consequences of speaking will also close the gap between us..? I don't see how it could be..
I don't even know if she's aware of the void between us.. maybe she is but maybe the distance is only visible to me..
Ultimately, if i told her then it would destroy her.. is she strong enough to glue herself back together afterwards..? I don't think she is..

And this is why i won't ever talk to her in real life.. because i know that the dream version of what happened is the reality.. except that unlike being able to wake up from it.. real words cannot be unspoken..
they echo through time.

Shine me a light up
and i'll run round the moon..

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