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firelamb67
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I Feel Strange and at a Loss
   Sat Sep 06, 2014 1:28 am
Alter's Blog, An Intro For Me
   Tue Sep 02, 2014 12:17 am

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Alter's Blog, An Intro For Me

Permanent Linkby firelamb67 on Tue Sep 02, 2014 12:17 am

Ok guys here you go. Each of you will take a turn and have a chance to say who you are, state your name if you like and tell a little about yourself and what you do. It's Labor Day Weekend and I am devoting the rest of the holiday to all of you. Also, if you don't want to do it, you don't have to. It's your chance to come out and speak. Kenzie, I will help you. Don't forget to use TW if you're going to say something that might hurt or upset someone else. You should also know a lot of people might see this and read about you. If you choose to write you are giving them permission to read about what you write about yourself. I wont change anything unless I see something that needs a TW. It's all yours.

I'm Chaz. You don't need to know how old I am, yet. Right now she's trying to make my name Charlie and I hate that name. I want to be called Chaz. Until she accepts that and starts calling me Chaz, I refuse to talk to her. That's all I want to say for now.

*host typing for Kenzie* Hi! My name is Kenzie. I am 5 years old. I am very little. I love to hug. Mother gives good hugs. Mother feels good. I like to play with Alex and Jo Jo. They make me laugh. Sometimes they tickle me. I love my my my *host*. She helped me get to feel better. She showed me a nice lady. The lady said I was right. She said that i'm a good girl. She said that everyone was wrong. That made me feel good. I wish I could hug you. Bye!

I'm Alex. I know thats a boys name but ima girl and I like it. I love school cuz im not at home. Im in 5th grade and I love my teacher, shes cool. I love to play dodge ball, kick ball, foot ball, and soft ball. Im the best girl player in the whole school. I wish I could be a boy sometime. They get all the cool stuff. Adults call me a tomboy. I wish I could tell them back that my name is not tom and im notta boy so naaah. But I would get in trubel for that. ***TW*** I did all the sex with ruben next door. He sed if I dint he would kill my fambly and showed me how. So I did it. He made me do it a lot and he hurt me a lot. I keep all the sex and do all the sex like he sed. She hates me cuz im bad cuz of the sex. I am bad. Very bad. I just wish she loved me. I wanna be good. I hope that lady will talk to me. I wanna feel good like kenzie too***end TW*** she never let me do nothin. She told me she thot I was big like a grown up. She said she loves me but thats a ly. Adults always ly. ***TW*** she sed adults dont have sex with kids but thats a ly cuz I know so. She sed I dint hafta do it no more but thats a ly. Ill get hurt if I dont or ill be left all alone.***end TW***I like to play with jo jo an kenzie. There fun. Im tired of listning to Adele. Well thats all about me. Sorry if I made you mad.

Hey everyone! I'm Jo. I'm 12 1/2. Alex is my best friend and we both love Kenzie, she's so cute and sweet. We like to play monopoly and sorry but mother has to help Kenzie. We'll also play slap jack and go fish so it's easier for her to play. I love Adele like our host but we're worn out by the same songs. I can't wait until she releases her new album. I think Justin Timberlake is hot and I also love One Direction, Taylor Swift and Katy Perry. I hate it when our host plays country music. I was an out cast until earlier last week. No one would talk to me so I decided to be mean. I picked on her SO alot. But she was always nice to me anyway. That confused me, so I left her alone. Then one day our host asked Alex what her name was and we all got excited. I came to her next and told her my name and that I was ugly and no one liked me. She fixed my hair really nice and told me I was beatiful and she loved me! That was so cool. She even bought me a chocolate milkshake even tho its bad for her. I was responsible for dealing with our mom. She was very sick and very mean. Then she would be nice. She imagined people were after her and I would try to show her no one was there. I was there when she was mean and protected everyone from her abuse. ***TW***I also hold some memory of sex with Ruben but they're just memories for me, Alex is the one who protected us from him, she doesn't show it but she hurts really bad, thinks shes bad. I love her anyway and think shes great, cool.***end TW*** well that's all I can think of right now. I think this is cool. See ya later alligator!

My name is Richard. I am 25 and I am the protector. Our host keeps calling me a persecutor as well but I think she's exaggerating my exploits. Often times you have to be a little mean when the others wont listen. They should listen to me because I know when things are safe and I make sure no one gets hurt. I haven't done the best job, but I try. ***TW*** Sometimes Jessie used to slip by me and try to hurt or kill everyone.***end tw*** She still tries but I watch her more closely now and our host talks to her a lot. She's really angry and hurt and always wants to lash out. Sometimes I front for our host when she gets scared, weak, or confused. But I give back executive control as soon as she's ready. I think it's nice that she took time to ask us our names. Maybe i'll start trying to talk to her but i'm not quite there, I don't trust enough yet. That's enough about me now it's someone else's turn. I am going to try to get Jessie to talk.

So what. So my name is Jessie big deal i'm 15 and i'm mean as hell. Yeah i'm the one everyone hates cuz I hurt people***TW*** I think everything that's happened to us is unfair. The whole f*****g world sucks. I don't understand why we're still trying to hang on. I feel everyones pain, it covers me like a blanket. The only way I can get free is to cut my way out. So i'll cut and love the feel of that pain and I love to see blood. It's a hell of a lot easier to deal with. I even love the scars I leave behind. If that doesn't work, I try to kill everyone. I almost succeeded at least twice. I resent the fact that I failed. I'm the one who kept making everyone go to the hospital and I laughed! ***end TW*** the weird thing is, for a while now everyon's been talking to me and being nice. I don't get it. I'm suspicious of it because why would they after everything i've done? The host even sometimes talks to me and says she loves me, told me I was very pretty and knows I can be sweet if I wanted, why else should I care about anyones pain and try to make it stop, and knows how much pain I am in. I'm suspicious about that too. I also hold a really bad memory but i'm not going to talk about it in public. Later.

Josh is my name and I handle all the anger for our host. I'm 17 but i'm strong and forceful. I get out of control sometimes react with violence whether be people or things. Sometimes I help Richard, but he does pretty good on his own. Otherwise I really don't do much. Our T is trying to teach our host how to work with me but she can't handle it very well. Maybe we'll get it together. I keep all the memories of when she was in an abusive relationship. I wasn't that strong back then and I feel like I let her down. She got it pretty bad. But the T did EMDR with her about it and now it doesn't bother us any more. That's really powerful and has made me feel stronger.

Hello, i'm Jason and i'm 19. I'm don't know why i'm here. I just hang back and wait. I'm a loner anyway so I don't mind. I think I might be here because of some stuff that happened when she was in high school but i'm not real clear on it. Maybe if she ever comes over here to talk to me i'll get a clearer picture. I'm a pretty boring guy.

I'm the one who's Charlie! I think she got confused. Chaz needs to chill. I'm not going to talk or say anything because she can't handle what I have to tell. Not yet anyway. I know she's going to ask but i'm keeping my mouth shut for now. I am a female by the way. A really strong one. You'd have to be to have survived what we went through. Maybe another day. All she needs to know is I got the 7 months she's been looking for. I am also of the opinion that Chaz and Jason are the ones who blacked her out and took the car for a joy ride. There are more of us in here but they prefer to remain in the shadows. ????? I'm done.

*host is back* doesn't seem like there's anyone left who wants to come forward. So i'll go back and read through and check for TWs. Oh my God!!! Why did they write all that. I feel a little bit swoozy now. Don't know what to do. Charlie, I have to get Charlie to tell me.

DID, BPD, DP/DR

What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
-R.W. Emerson
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