I feel totally crazy from the pain atm. I got out of bed at 3.30pm and had a spa - bad idea - it sent me over the edge. I'm in crazy lady mode, something that I don't feel too often. Geeze, I wish some pain would heal... I just seem to harbour open infections.

Hopefully the tears will come soon and that will wind me down... I'll have my meds in another hour... that will help me being deceived and rejected. Why does that type of pain hurt as bad as it does?

I want the truth so bad. I want to know what I was dealing with and what I am grieving. I just feel totally torn up inside and like my entire body is on fire. I feel like I've been possessed by a crazy woman. I'm safe and other people are safe, but the experience sucks dog's balls.