I've noticed, as I pay more attention to my thoughts, that I really do a lot more repression and dissociation than I thought. I can feel something, but if it becomes ideal for me to feel something else when I'm with someone, I'll begin to feel the preferable feeling. And I'll remember thinking otherwise, but that won't mean a thing until it becomes best for me to think otherwise.

I can't really describe it in a way that I will be satisfied with. I'm not sure if that's me being an artist, or if the rule of life is that nothing ever means as much as you want it to. That really sucks.