I feel very sad right now. If someone asked me how I was, I'd say I was fine. But that denies the reason I am sad. I'm sad because I'm all alone. I want someone to be worried about me, but I feel like no one cares.

I understand my crush doesn't like me at all, but when I feel the way I do now, all I want to do is see him. I really just want to see someone and have hope. I just want male attention from males who aren't going to drain me. It's sad for me that my crush doesn't like me. If he could love me, I would have been so right for him.

And what am I supposed to do? I feel unable to just let go, and every time he sees me and is nice out of policy, I am going to read into it way too much. I don't want to go to my classes for the rest of the day, but I feel I should because I don't want to fail. But really I just want to lay down and die and wait until tomorrow when I can go out with my friends and hopefully get the attention I want.

I feel ruined by the guys I gave everything to but who didn't want me. I have exploited myself and revealed every weakness and I have nothing to show for it.

I kind of wish I was authentically crazy, like with psychosis or something. That way, I wouldn't have to "play" the victim.

I really just wish I had an actual reason to be hurt by these guys other than me being ######6 insane, and I wish they'd apologize. I wish a guy would visit me or look for me when I'm not in the mood to make myself known.

But if a guy did that, I can guess I'd be compelled to pretend to be more damaged than I might actually be.

I just wish there was a guy thinking of me all the time. I am so unhappy.