The fuss about gay marriage is utterly ridiculous, and the reasons for people's objections are nothing short of risible. It undermines nobody's marriage if people with different lifestyles and beliefs want to make that same commitment to each other. How can it? Welcome to the 21rst Century. Your personal beliefs and traditions are no longer a barrier to the lives and happiness of people who aren't the same as you. Sorry if you don't like that, but other people's lives are not your life. The good news is that you can continue to live exactly how you like, according to whatever beliefs make you happy.

It's only a few decades ago that same-sex couples were an outrageous concept. Society has come a long way in a short space of time. I'm very pleased for these people, but I've got to admit that I'm also jealous.

My sexuality is a real dead end. Excuse the pun.

I'm not an exclusive necrophiliac, but I've never been able to find a 'regular' relationship that actually works for long. At the age of 37, I've been in 'regular' relationships for most of my adult life. There's no obvious reason why most of these relationships have failed. I'm not inexperienced or naive. I'm not selfish, antisocial, bad tempered, or violent. The chemistry just isn't there, and there's no point in pretending that it's just been bad luck time after time.

Marriage is something I'd really like one day. That's a recent attitude for me. I've never felt secure enough with anybody to seriously consider it, but the current debate about gay marriage has got me thinking about what it means to love somebody enough to pledge the rest of your life to them. I can't see it happening for me in a 'regular' relationship, no matter how confident I feel within it. I've had the rug pulled from under me too many times when I've seen no problems on the horizon, so I've been thinking about unconventional alternative marriages that could apply to a sad old necrophile... without getting his collar felt by the law!

The actor Peter Cushing, remained touchingly devoted to his wife, Helen, from her death in 1971 to his own in 1994. He spent a lot of time at her graveside, and never looked at anyone else. When questioned about his romantic life, he replied that to be reunited with Helen was his only ambition. Although they were together before her death, I've always admired Peter's devotion to her.

Jonathan Cainer, the astrologer, has spoken openly about living alongside the spirit of his deceased wife, Melanie. I remember being very impressed with an interview he gave, in which he described them 'living' together as normally as possible, bringing up their kids etc. Sadly, he went and got the nanny pregnant, but his story inspired me at the time, and still does today in many ways.

Somewhere between Peter and Jonathan's situations, I think there's a highly unusual, but workable potential for a necrophile marriage of sorts. Excluding shagging the nanny of course!

I have some basic medium skills from attending spiritualist workshops with a former girlfriend, and I have several graves that I visit regularly and look after. If I could develop some proper mediumship ability, and if somebody in one of those graves agrees, then I think it's definitely possible to have a non-physical, spiritual, necrophile marriage...

Okay, I think I should point out that I'm not being 100% serious here!

I do like the idea though.

I hope I get the chance to pledge my life to someone I love (preferably somebody with a heartbeat who can share experiences with me) before I get too much older, but if that's the way I decide to do it, who has the right to say to me: “I don't approve of that. It undermines my idea of marriage, so you shouldn't be allowed to do it.”?

Nobody. That's who.

Best wishes to anybody who wants to marry the one they love, whoever you are!

Graveyard.