I will remember this as "The year I tried". Taking a break from university, I underwent CBT at the start of the year for Social Anxiety and OCD. The therapist thought I had finished it successfully. I attempted volunteering for a few weeks. That fell through when I found myself hating the people there. I found a girl, and met her intimately in person, only to lose interest and find myself in denial about the whole thing. I returned to university. Yet I feel as if I'm back to square one. I really want to end the year with optimism.

Yet I also have to come to terms with myself. I find it painful to move on from a wasted adolescence. It's hard to turn over a new leaf when I anticipate failure at every turn. There is no silver bullet, but I have to have faith in my own potential. Without being uncompassionate, I should put MY self over other selves, and no others. Only then can I BEGIN to move on, unfettered by what other people think of me.

Of course, this will mean nothing if I continue down my road of avoidance and rumination. I need to fight a war against myself, [i]for[/i] myself.

Good luck. You can do it.

No side wins a war without losing a few battles.

Personalities change, and ours can change for the better. It is just a matter of effort and time.