Well, this is my first blog post for a few months.

Everyone deserved to be betrayed. That's just the way it is. No-one ever gave a damn $#%^ about my insides or me, just what made them comfortable. Damn them all. I'd betray them all AGAIN and AGAIN because that is how I survive on an existential level. I don't need to be anyone's hero but my own.

I betrayed my "friend" from school.

I betrayed my "friends" in an online social group.

I betrayed anyone who put faith in me.

I'd probably do it again by cutting them out of my existence permanently. The guilt makes me hate myself but I have to, because I can't trust them to like me or not take advantage of me no matter what.

I will be having some counseling soon over "traumatic" experiences in the past but I don't see how that will work. In the end those are just points where I failed to protect myself from the malevolence of others, my solution to that is to prevent such situations occurring ever again.

And what of the future ahead, well I don't know. My inability to connect with people and lack of experience are disadvantages in applying for most jobs. Just thinking of careers terrifies me, but it's something I'll have to come to terms with in the near future.