Things have fallen apart so much. I should be doing well in school but I'm not. Hopefully I do well on the finals next week but if I don't I may fail some classes. I put so much stress on myself about school. I had to cut. Instead of cutting I should have been studying or something constructive. I hope something kills me soon. I don't want to kill myself, but I wouldn't object to dropping dead. Starting a new therapist on monday. I know I need to go, self harm is bad, and he'll keep me honest. I'll be honest on the second session, because i have that surgery and i can't be hospitalized if i'm going to have it. We'll just work in hypothetical situations until then. I'm happy i'm not sleeping, and i'm not staying up. I caught up on sleep last night after plan:sunshine was put into motion. Now to keep it up!! Gotta stay on a normal schedule. That way I don't have all that free time at night to self harm. Because that's when it usually happens - when i'm all alone up at night. I feel like i HAVE to self harm though. So maybe i'll have to move it to the daytime. I'm not sad or happy, manic or depressed. I'm stable but i feel so unstable with all this self harm. I don't know what to do.