These last few days have been decent. No major blow ups. He has slowly been mentioning some of the neurological symptoms that I have noticed over the last year: his hands shaking when he holds a glass (tremor); his brain doesn’t work like it used to; challenges with his balance/ equilibrium. He asks me what could be causing this. I tell him that I don’t know enough about these things, but his doctor will know what specialists to refer to. He asks whether these symptoms could be related to his chemo. I say that I think so, but his oncologist can answer that.
After I bought this new horse (with money inherited from my father, I paid $20,000 which is a lot for me!), he said it was “his turn” and said we needed to come up with $100,000 so he could get a really good horse. He frequently thinks on a grand scale, but this amount shocked me. I waited a bit, and told him there’s no way to come up with $100,000 unless we refinance the house (almost paid for) and I would be very reluctant to do that. When he gets in these “grandiose” moods, he seems to think that money is no object, and wants to act like we are rich. We aren’t. The only reason we have what we have is because I still work, I’ve saved money from my work, and inherited money from my mom (15 years ago) and my dad (this year). I told him we could sell the cattle and put up some other horses for sale, and see what we could raise from that. His expression showed his dissatisfaction with that plan.
Since that day, he hasn’t brought it up again. I am going to enter one of our young horses in a pretty good sale coming up next month, and see if we can get $10,000 - $15,000 for him. He can have this to spend on a new horse, and he can sell the cows. Never mind that I was the one who saved the money to buy the horses and cattle from my work. Just part of being married I guess. I can’t wait for Monday.