Today we saw the oncologist, and I posted about that in the Delusional Disorder forum. I don’t even know if that’s the right forum anymore. I feel like I need a Totally Messed Up Life forum, or Coping With An Angry Man forum.
He has now decided he can’t ride horses anymore because his neuropathy is too bad. This is a sharp departure from “I need $100,000 to buy a good horse” from last week. Well, that leaves me with trying to ride a half-trained 3 year old gelding who’s pretty spooky, as well as riding my new horse to get him ready for some shows in August. I guess I will put on my riding helmet and take a deep seat and a tight rein and ride that colt.
I will of course receive lots of criticism for doing it, and will be told how I’m totally ruining that colt. Like him sitting in a pen is doing him any good. I’m not even going to enter him in that sale. I’m going to ride that colt and turn him into something, despite all the negativity of my husband.
I’m dreading tomorrow and going to the dealership regarding the front end wobble on the truck. If I could just do it all myself, without my husband along, it would be lovely. I would talk to those folks pleasantly, and we would work through this issue with the truck. Zero anger, one step at a time. My husband is incapable of this, and goes from zero to psycho in 3 seconds flat.
For those of you following this blog, I really am grateful I have a place to post what’s going on. I just feel so worn out right now. Best wishes to all of you.

Hugs, if wanted. I'm eager to see what a brain scan says, if anything. I think sometimes these things are just so darn vague as to causes. Like my dad- for a while, B vitamins helped with his delusional thoughts. Then they didn't.

I'm not sure what forum, either. I might take it on myself to move the thread to Significant Others forum. This seems to fit in multiple buckets, and no buckets, at the same time. SOFF is a good catch-all, since you're the partner of the affected.

I think you're an hour or two behind me- it's hard to know, a lot of people forget to go into their User Control Panel and change from Standard to Daylight time and back again in the fall- it's not automatic. Even I forget to, and I'm an admin.

Anyway I'm a little farther along in the day than you. I'll be interested in knowing how today's dealership trip went.

Hi Snaga,
thanks for the comment. I know people are viewing my blog, and that is actually comforting. I hope my journey, and the strategies I use to cope, will help someone else.
Well, my husband went to the dealership by himself, and took the trailer down there in the farm truck. He admitted to me later that it shook the whole time, and he thinks the trailer tires were the problem (gee, I guess I was right). So the dealer went through the truck with a fine tooth comb, re-aligned the front end, re-balanced all the tires (one was out of balance) and called and said it was ready.
In the meantime, I read some articles about how testosterone injections can make guys aggressive, crazy, yelling, etc. Well, my husband has been taking testosterone injections for about a year, and that's about the time all the latest craziness started. The odd sexual demands. The aggression, yelling, zero to psycho escalation, etc. So I printed out the articles, and wrote him a note about how this could definitely be an issue. He came knocking on my home office door, agreeing that I was probably right. This was Wednesday. I was so relieved. We had a couple of good days including today, and then it all went to @#$$ at dinner. We were cutting our grass hay this afternoon, trying to get that cut and baled since we've had a couple weeks or rainy weather that interfered with getting the hay cut and baled. The equipment was working pretty good and I was on hand in the Gator in case he needed any help with it. Which he did, and I was there to fix the problem. In the meantime, I put the fixed tire back on the hydraulic disk, and changed the hitch setting on the rake, so it would work a little better this time. THEN I COMMITTED A FELONY BY ACTUALLY SPRAYING WEEDS WITH WEED KILLER. he does not want me to use a specific brand of weed killer, so I didn't. I bought something else. I had to spray in the irrigation ditch so the water would flow freely. He saw me out there spraying. When he was almost done cutting, he asked if I would go feed the horses, and boil him some potatoes so he could have mashed potatoes with some left over roast beef.
So I took care of the horses, took a shower and started cooking some potatoes and asparagus. I reheated the roast beef in the oven. I made a plate for him and while we were eating he asked what was in the weed killer I sprayed and I told him. He blew up. He said I was absolutely not to use that, and I said I didn't use the brand he had banned. He said it didn't matter and I was NOT TO USE ANY WEED SPRAY AT ALL. I said this is a new request, and not what he said previously. He went from zero to psycho and I'm locked in my home office now, while he is shouting out in the other room, about how I hate him and am trying to destroy him and he can't wait to be rid of me.
Good Lord. Hopefully tomorrow he calms down and we can get that MRI. I think I need sedatives. I'm still hoping at least some of this is the effect of the testosterone, which will wear off. I totally hate my life right now but I know life can't be all roses, and I am still dedicated to helping my husband.
Snaga, again thank you for your comment. You are such a help to everyone on this site.

"In the meantime, I read some articles about how testosterone injections can make guys aggressive, crazy, yelling, etc. Well, my husband has been taking testosterone injections for about a year, and that's about the time all the latest craziness started. The odd sexual demands. The aggression, yelling, zero to psycho escalation, etc. "

Oh well that could be remedied *weg*

https://youtu.be/tC1kFhYysKM

But no seriously yes if he's taking T maybe it needs to be backed off a little. I suspect I have low T- I've had a few thankfully infrequent hot flashes in the last several years- at least, when you're in air conditioning and you haven't been in the least active, and even the bottom of your feet is sweating and you want to throw yourself naked into a snowbank, I'm assuming that's what a hot flash feels like.

And I really have no desire to get on T unless I am told I need it. I feel a little calmer when it comes to some things, like sex.

"Snaga, again thank you for your comment. You are such a help to everyone on this site."

Naw not really- I just ban spammers and keep the peace around here, and try to remember the Lexapro I've been taking has eroded my filter when I respond to posts.

Now that video was funny!! Hey I went through hot flashes for almost 10 years and it’s the rush of anxiety that comes with the hot flash that is the real problem. I’m over it now, but it was awful. I am hoping for at least 3 days of peace. I think we are both in the mood to try hard.

So I'm not the only one to freak out in a hot flash- good to know. Yes a rush of anxiety my heart pounding. Especially the first time. Fortunately not often- and not night sweats, which would be frightening as I have at least one benign bone cyst. I was told to seek help if I had night sweats and began losing weight. I'd prefer that not happen.

I'm at the right age, and things aren't quite as... snappy as they used to be. I'm sure it's low T that's made me have a few flashes. It's infrequent but possible in men. I might idly ask for a T test next time, but it's not as if I really want to do anything about it unless it adversely affects general health.

I frequently pull content from Big Bang Theory

Hope for a few days' respite from the fussing and fighting yes.