Last night, as I closed my eyes,
The thought of you haunted me
I had the feeling of being pushed under water
I couldn't breathe
Suffocating
And I know my condition is self imposed
In that you are not the one enforcing this
But it doesn't make it any less difficult

Certain synchronicities have drawn me towards you
You came into my life when I was at a crossroads
In a world where I felt isolated
And you took away that emptiness more effectively than any drug
In a way, that is how I consumed you
But you are worth more to me than that

We are like mirrors to each other
Reversed images but similar in characteristics
The comfort lay not in having similar aspirations
But in emotional (or lack of) understanding
And this will forever be the problem
Because, despite how obvious it is,
We can never call each other out in our nonsense
Our nonsense is the same
We can't hold each other accountable when we are equally as guilty

That being said,
All the things that you feel are wrong
Are the aspects that I love
If I were a man, I would do the same
It never bothered me
I wouldn't have wanted you to change and don't
This all lies on me and my fears

The truth is, even though I really thought I was ready,
I am afraid because I know I will be consumed by you
I am so scared and I dream that you will find where I have hidden and hold me, tell me that everything will be fine
But that's too close to be around you
I can't handle the intensity of your flame
A part of me wants to run as far away as I can

I don't expect you to understand or to even care
But either way, I am sorry.

You probably will never see this.
I am truly a fool.