I'm rather confused about my behaviour tonight.
I'm lonely and I want more friends but I pull away and build up walls when I think things are getting too much? What is wrong with me?! How can I complain I'm lonely when it's ultimately my fault?
Is it because I'm so afraid of people using me? They know my history and my problems, so maybe they'll use it to their advantage? Or is that my paranoia? In any case, I LET people use me. Maybe I like it. I don't know. What a strange thing, I like being used? No I don't think so. I just don't think I have the ability to see it.
At the end of the day, all I want is affection so maybe I'll take it in any form I can get it?
What does affection mean to me anyway? A few conversations, sex, a hug, someone listening to my problems? I don't know.
Why do I tend to have these problems with males?
Why am I always letting people in and then questioning my motives as to why?
I wouldn't ever hurt anyone intentionally but maybe it's worse that I don't know when I'm hurting others.
Maybe I've revealed too much to people and now they know everything. Maybe I'm too honest.
Are people who they seem to be?
Or am I who I seem to be?
Is anyone who they seem to be?
Can I trust anyone?
Can I trust myself?

I can totally relate to this! It sounds just like something I could write about myself. I don't have anything I can say to help. Just wanted to post something because it's so similar to me.

Its nice to know I'm not on my own with this I thought I wasn't making much sense!

I totally get it! Maybe someone else will post some miracle cure to help us get over it lol.