I'm completely cured

MargaretNoelle wrote:So I guess the first step to becoming "cured" (which according to psychology is not completely possible w/ personality disorders, but I'm here to argue that)

According to many people who treat PD this isn't the case, so its an attitude that's changing.

MargaretNoelle wrote:Everything changed when I had one single conversation with my roommate. We talked about death. I am only 22 and kind of had this mentality that I would live forever (not really, but for a VERY LONG TIME), and life would be one long torturous endeavor for me. In fact when death finally happened on its own it would have been kind of a relief. During our conversation I had some sort of epiphany- most things that most people care about during life are COMPLETELY insignificant. Many people pride themselves on their education, occupations, income, physical beauty, etc etc etc. Or they find the need to identify themselves with SOMETHING like their nationality, religion, social status, WHATEVER. However, when we die, NONE of that will matter. Not even a little bit. Everything you identified yourself with during life will be gone when you are. As the saying goes, "you can't take it with you". Then I started to think about this in terms of the world before me and the world after me. 100 years from now society will be completely different. I won't be around, and people will be worrying about and concerning themselves with different things than people today do.

All we are are people occupying this earth for a short time in relation to its own existence. There were other people before us and will be other people after us. Everybody who lives dies. It is impossible for people to be "better" or "inferior" to other people.

Yeah, I agree with this.

MargaretNoelle wrote:One day we will all be dead. You really do only live once. With the realization that none of this will matter when you die, you can simply relax and enjoy being alive.

Wish that understanding could remove the conflict for me with simply relaxing and enjoying being alive too but i guess my reasons are rooted elsewhere. If its done that for you, that's pretty cool.

Yeah, self-esteem is all in one's head. How you feel about yourself is under your control. No one is inherently "superior" or "inferior" than anyone else.

blankslate wrote:Well, you probably get the point I'm trying to make. It's a comforting thought when your stoned and alone at you comp, but that's really all it is, a comforting thought.

You're absolutely right. But I think it is a comforting thought that can make the healing process a lot easier for some people, so long as they take action to get better. Sitting in front of a computer stoned will never permanently help anyone, no matter how uplifted they feel from reading inspirational stories on the Internet. But that doesn't mean those stories are useless. I know it is hard to change your thinking (and especially anxiety, which is often irrational and an uncontrollable physical reaction), but I think anything that helps someone develop a more positive image of themself is good. And for me this thread helps a lot in that respect. It is not an instant cure, and although it made me feel a lot better for a short while, it is going to be a (probably long) process to recover from this. But I am excited to take it on. I know it will be painful, but I agree with the person that said real healing is painful. I am excited to embrace the pain, because I truly believe I can get better. In fact, I have no choice, this is my life and I refuse to let a PD ruin it. And I am grateful that I have a relatively mild form of it, in that I have never been suicidal and I do not have panic attacks, etc. I just feel extremely self-conscious and cannot bear the thought of exposing my true self to people, but I know that is something that can be changed. So I know that other people are not so optimistic and I understand why...unfortunately some people have it pretty tough. But I hope that everyone tries and succeeds in finding something that can help them.

Hi folks,

I found out that a have AVPD a couple of weeks. Up to that day I was thinking that I was an ex social phobic, a little bit paranoid, a big pessimist and have probably dhystmia (a low level depressive mood which lasts for many years). I went to a psychiatrist, I went to a psychologist for more then 1 year, etc.

All of them helped a little bit. Aging also helps a little bit (I'm 32). Finding a job that you are talented and being successful on it (yes its possible, believe me) GREATLY helps. When you are successful you feel like OK I'M TALENTED AND SMART, NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS IT ). But when hard times come, the dark side rises again... Its also true. But its also true even for Pollyanna. Everybody can be a little bit depressed when the times are challenging. But these are the things that you most probably all know.

One important thing is you have to know that you can change. I find it so so so so stupid to believe that its an bla blaaa so you can't change. I'm fightaing with myself strongly for the last 15 years maybe and I always believed that I can change it. And I will change it.

Brain works similar to muscles. Everything in human works in a similar logic. You learn by mimicking and practicing. So mimic and practice.

-Try to be more social... Try it, it'll work. When you meet with more people you'll get used to that and it'll be less stressful and you'll act better every time. People don't born with good social abilities, believe me.
-Try to find a girlfriend or boyfriend. Start from the easy targets ). Its not cruel . Its like driving a motorcycle. Start driving a bike first.
-Try to realize and catch yourself when you start to make up things on your mind... (mostly negative things about yourself).
-Hang up with people lower then you ) (this looks a little bit cruel but it works)
-If you believe in god I'm sure it'll also help very much.
-Take risks... It makes you feel more confident.
-If you can go outside of your country and live in another place for at least a couple of months. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT: when you go to another country where they don't know you and you are a total stranger, you feel like you don't have a past and you can re-create yourself there... That feeling is also a effective practice.
-Make sport, lift weights... IMPORTANT: If you are men lifting heavy weights it boosts testosterone and testosterone breaks anxiety. Its very important. Also you feel stronger, younger, better looking, these are the extras .
-Meditation probably would help very much.
-Reading also helps very very much because so when you meet people you have many things on your chest.

FINALLY: Work work work. Its all about practicing more and more. Its not easy, I'm not very good at all these but I can see the path...PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT.

I read through your initial post and also, one of the subsequent ones.
I really can't follow what you're saying and there seems to be some "ifs" and other conditional elements to your explanation/thought process, elements which you seem to gloss over or not point to how significant they are, but which are pivotal factors that cause people to become the way they are and stay the way they are.
Yes, we all turn to dust in the end, but while we are in solid form, there are plenty of things that are significant, bothersome and debilitating to each of us, right now and those are the things that determine our outlook and the way we live our lives, not what will happen 200 years after we have died.

As all of us suffer from avoidant behavior to some degree or other, often along with other conditions, I doubt that anyone on this forum isn't very, very happy for your breakthrough. But in the manner that it has been presented in your post, it makes little sense to me.

Basically just claiming nihilism trumps AvPD.

I'm a big Camus fan, myself, but it just doesn't do the trick when life gets messy. The hermit shell is ever beckoning. No amount of absurdism acceptance has allowed me to toss aside my anxiety. They are completely different ballgames. I love life and appreciate it's inherent lack of meaning, and do my best to make my own meaning out of what I've been given, but by no means does that give me the strength to overpower my deep feelings of worthlessness and helplessness.

Well, when I was floating in the Red Sea I was thinking about that, about Buddhism and Dao (especially Dao), how our feelings of low-esteem is pervertedly connected to having an ego, an other side of narcissism, so to speak. What brings one down is belief that they aren't good enough, but if you follow Dao, you have to ask yourself, why should you be good enough, be good, be anything, in fact. Maybe what you should strive to realize instead is what you think your ego is, is an illusion, nothing. There are thoughts that come and go and things that are perceived, and nothing neverchanging and solid, or, if different concepts of "I" are too confusing, maybe we should just ask ourselves why we apply some standards and try to determine value of another little piece of useless flesh that is falling apart, about to become a part of the whole again, at terribly fast speed.

Found this thread after a Google search. The OP is right, more or less. I've never been diagnosed with anything (haven't really seen a professional) but I've known something is "wrong" with me for most of my life. My symptoms have varied — I don't think I have anything that would amount to a personality disorder, but IF I did have something or if I could give all my symptoms a name, it would be AvPD first and foremost along with other disorders like PPD, OCD, SAD, etc.

I read the whole thread. Many people make interesting points, specifically the one person who said that healing involves pain. It does. I've been holed up in my room and comfort zone for a long time. My mentality was all kinds of skewed so that normal every day mishaps were catastrophic to me. So imagine a big mishap. I purposely put myself in a very vulnerable situation recently and I failed miserably. I wanted to fail, I wanted to be embarrassed, I wanted to take the risk and find out that no matter the outcome, I wouldn't die and it wouldn't be the end of the world.

It sure felt like it at the time, it hurt so much it took about half a year to get over and get back to a healthy weight (I lost 10 lbs and I still cry sometimes). But I have finally felt what the OP is describing. It's like the ghosts of my past are still trying to drag me back so some days I do feel down and avoidant. Other days I'm 'normal' to the point where I think to myself, almost in awe, "is this what other people feel like every day?"... it's a foreign feeling to me. To be at peace with myself. To not loathe myself. I talk to other "disordered" (I don't like that word) people online, and it's weird to be on the observing end of the insecurity in their posts and messages. I can recognize it and it really is weird, the over-apologizing, the low value they assign to themselves, the 'hopelessness'... all of which are based on the lie that a person can somehow be inadequate compared to others.

One of the emerging thoughts as I was coming out of the fog was exactly as the OP said: nobody is inferior or superior to anyone else. No one. I am as much of a person as you guys and all people in the world. It's a simple concept but hard to actually feel it consistently enough, especially when we're so used to listening to our thoughts on autopilot. Another key: we are not out thoughts. Over time we've learned to identify (more like over-identify) with them and it's like we let them run on autopilot and dictate what we do and don't do! Yet another key: most of us probably come across the cliche "love yourself" advice. Easier said than done right? I hate that advice, how do I love myself? I never knew how. But after reading a bunch of different sources online and overcoming the biggest obstacle I've faced (the one I mentioned above) I realized it's not about loving yourself, it's about self compassion. It's a slight but important difference. Self compassion is not exactly "giving love to yourself" (because it's like "I don't have love to give, where/how do I find it?"), it's not really something you have to do actually. It's just the absence of punishment. That's it. Do not punish yourself for your flaws, mistakes, blunders, being anxious, being [insert whatever here]. The hard part is catching yourself in the act, because we are programmed to do that, hardwired. Meditation helped me a lot with that. It increases self-awareness so it makes it much easier to notice destructive thought patterns.

lordet wrote:-Try to be more social... Try it, it'll work. When you meet with more people you'll get used to that and it'll be less stressful and you'll act better every time. People don't born with good social abilities, believe me.
-Try to find a girlfriend or boyfriend. Start from the easy targets ). Its not cruel . Its like driving a motorcycle. Start driving a bike first.
-Try to realize and catch yourself when you start to make up things on your mind... (mostly negative things about yourself).
-Hang up with people lower then you ) (this looks a little bit cruel but it works)
-If you believe in god I'm sure it'll also help very much.
-Take risks... It makes you feel more confident.
-If you can go outside of your country and live in another place for at least a couple of months. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT: when you go to another country where they don't know you and you are a total stranger, you feel like you don't have a past and you can re-create yourself there... That feeling is also a effective practice.
-Make sport, lift weights... IMPORTANT: If you are men lifting heavy weights it boosts testosterone and testosterone breaks anxiety. Its very important. Also you feel stronger, younger, better looking, these are the extras .
-Meditation probably would help very much.
-Reading also helps very very much because so when you meet people you have many things on your chest.

FINALLY: Work work work. Its all about practicing more and more. Its not easy, I'm not very good at all these but I can see the path...PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT.

Yes to all of the above. They work.

A person's outlook on life has an impact on their thoughts, emotions, and actions.

Changing a person's outlook on life will transforming his/her thoughts, feelings, and behaviors pattern.

Been there, lasted for a year.
It blew up in my face and destroyed my life.
Turns out it was a hypomanic episode.
Now I'm diagnosed bi-polar.
C-PTSD, AVPD, now bi-polar.
Totally freaked out that what I experienced turned out to be my brain going off kilter.
The best year of my life.
OH well, at least I experienced who I could have been before the traum rewired my brain as a toddler.