Suicide is painless- Discussion on Suicide.

i have never been suicidal and can't see myself be but i know it is possible. i'm usually just scared that i might not find enough motivation to go on. but for now i can't imagine myself being suicidal.
I have had episodes of self-harm though.

Thought about it many times...attempted earlier this year for the first time in my life.

I think about it every once and a while, when I don't have enough meaninless things to occupy my time and thoughts, and I start to think about my pathetic life. But I don't think I've got the balls to do it, I'd probable need a really traumatic thing to happen to motivate me, if that's the right word.

The big fear for me is not managing to kill myself, and instead my family finding me half dead. That would be pretty awkward, to say the least.

The idea of dying has never appealed to me, if I had a choice between having the best day possible and dying the next day, or living forever in a tower from which I could see everything but never leave, I would choose the tower, hands down. Sometimes if I get too stressed I will have a desire to just go to sleep and never wake up, although sometimes when realizing how big I've messed up, the idea does enter my mind sometimes.

I've had some persistent thoughts about it couple of weeks back. I don't know what triggered them. Maybe it was transition from summer to fall, maybe it's cause i fell really empty putting my self out there and socializing with people. Maybe it was that i had too many missed connections with strangers, or looking at my cell phone and realizing that no one called in the last two months. Don't know, but those thoughts are gone for now.
Actually i think i know what stopped them. I read an article on wikipedia about suicide methods. and it almost made me cry. The way they describe how the body is struggling to keep you alive and you're just not letting it live. It's almost like you're killing another person. Not for me.
Look at all those homeless people, people in wheelchairs or amputees, convicts that get life sentences. They keep on living. They don't take an easy way out.

I was never suicidal, but nevertheless the topic is one of the constants in my life for different reasons. I don't think I should write about it because this is what makes me a real freak and that's why people would hate me if they knew.
I think it's good we have the capability for suicide. It's a choice to be alive and this sometimes motivates me to change for better.

As a teenager I used to dwell on suicide a lot. They were only thoughts, morbid thoughts, I knew there was no way I could ever have carried it out.

Lately, I've been having those thoughts again, but this time in a different context. Now, almost 30 years after my teens, I'm on my own again, it's only me and my daughter and I know for a fact that if my daughter were to die, if she had an accident or an illness that could not be cured, I've give very serious consideration as to whether I'd want to continue my life. I know that I'd be struggling to find reasons to continue on. No partner, no other children, a dysfunctional family who I hardly see, I'd be struggling to find a purpose, that's for sure. If she were to die at the hands of another, I know for sure that I'd try my hardest to get my revenge on them and murder them back, and since I don't consider revenge a good thing, I'd have to be quick smart in finishing myself off, coz if I got jailed before I managed it, I'd have buckleys chance, eh?

Flights of fancy. Or a plan - hard to tell the difference.

In my opinion it's torture to inhibit people from committing suicide for no reason. It should be a human right, especially as I cannot think of anything more specific for our species. Some animals can self-destruct to protect others or seek quick deliverance in anticipation of physical pain. But they can't just quit their struggle for survival without a reason.
But there are some practical difficulties with having the suicide option a civil right. You can never tell if it is really a free decision. Other people might force you and some psychological states might be interfering (drugs, schizophrenia...).

...it brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please...

I have been thinking about why I have never liked the idea of death, and besides the fact that is a concept that I am rather afraid of, I also want to see what happens next >.>. If I killed myself, then I wouldn't get to see anything else happen in the world >.> /randomdigressionoff