Ah, the suicide thread. I can avoid it (hah!) no longer.
Cosmos wrote:When I'm on a plane, I fantasize about the plane crashing.
Ever seen Fight Club?
I still have a (healthy?) fear of accidental death. Maybe I just want control.
Befuddled wrote:I’ve always thought that suicide would be terrible for the time between knowing you’ve gone past the point of no return and the sweet bliss of oblivion. I imagine the surge of fear, adrenalin, and regrets of “Oh god, what have I done?” would be more horrible than anything that could lead up to suicide.
I could not have put it any more eloquently or succinctly. Or in other words, I'm a real wuss when it comes to pain.
I must admit that, particularly in my bad moments, I also have recurring visions of suicide, in particular slashing my wrists for some reason. On the other hand I know I couldn't really go through with that, as I could never actually puncture my own skin. Also it would probably end up as a botched attempt, as either subconsciously or consciously I would do it at a moment when I know I will be found in time. It would probably be a "cry for help" and I really don't want to do that. Also I'd have to live with the scars.
Hanging probably would have a higher chance of success (or well epic fail really) if I manage to break my neck in one go, as was already said here. It still does not sound pleasant.
About going to sleep and waking up with these sort of feelings, I always savour that blissful moment of ignorance after just waking up. That moment when you are still halfway in some dream state and don't remember who you are yet. It only lasts a second or so, and then the full force of reality comes crashing down on you, and you realize in mounting horror who you really are and how much your life sucks.
@Asuka:
You seem like an intelligent person and I do enjoy reading your posts. Actually, write those memoirs on the forum (I suppose in some sense you already did in some fragmented way), I'm sure others here can relate to them and will enjoy reading them as well.
And to anyone reading about this heavy topic, LOOK AT THE CUTE KITTY CAT! Maybe it will cheer you up...