This is the type of thread I would never typically participate in. (see the posts
But it also gives the perfect opportunity to raise the question of the spectrum...
Here we talk of people as "Narcs" and "normals", as if somebody sits on one side of the fence or the other.
The great majority of people who might be called into question here show varying degrees of traits... some more than others..
and the reality is that we have them in our lives (or we have some degree of traits in ourselves), and as humans continue to look for effective ways to relate.
As a person who is in a life-long relationship with more than one person who show varying degrees of traits, I am not in the position to a) abandon them, No Contact.. nor b) beat them at their own game. Especially because I don't buy into their game, their rationale, by way of default. And I can't believe that my options are limited to only these.
I understand the need to 'win', to 'pay-back', to show somebody who has completely disregarded your humanity that he/she is not more superior for having done so. But it's a senseless competition, if one is forced to play according to rules and principles that are not his/her own.
Not playing (or competing), I believe, is possible, without necessarily abandoning all contact, nor, more importantly, abandoning one's own grounding and principles... It takes a strong and sure center - this should be one's objective.